A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My Christmas Whine List

Christmas is just under two weeks away and it occurred to me that I haven’t expressed my wish list for this season. Well, aside from the opportunity to spend time with my family, the only other thing I really want for Christmas is...a job!

It doesn’t have to be the greatest paying job in the world, but I’ll warn you now, bidding will start at $14 per hour. It may or may not be in my field of expertise, which is medical claims auditor. I should confess that I gained this skill after stumbling into the medical insurance field as a temp way back in 1989.

So now you know the awful truth: I did not go to college to become a medical claims auditor. You won’t find any credits for business courses anywhere on any of my college transcripts. Everything I knew about my position I learned on the job.

This job should also come with full benefits: medical, dental, vision, life and pension plan. It doesn’t matter to me if membership in a union is required or not. Is this too much to ask for?

So what if my wish is outlandish? I remind you that at this time of year millions of people below a certain age believe that all of their personal material needs will be met by some obese old man with high blood pressure and (possibly) a diabetic condition. These people also think that this same old man will personally deliver the objects of their desire with the aid of a small herd of mammals which miraculously pull him and his unlimited cargo on a rickety old wooden sled through the air with the talent of flying that they didn’t even realize they possess. Once at the point of delivery on residential roof tops, or so these people believe, this same old man will shove his parcels and his 60 inch girth self down a rectangular tube no bigger than 18 by 9 inches into living rooms all over the world.

Now considering all this, my one wish doesn’t sound so far-fetched, does it?

In reality, Santa Claus and his reindeer will more than likely complete their rounds long before any job offers come my way. I deeply regret that I cannot accept any old job which starts at $9.00/hour and, thereby in the eyes of American business, make my work more competitive with someone living in China or India. Such a salary would not allow me to meet my financial obligations, which is probably the same situation that millions of other Americans are facing.

To sum up my life during this holiday season: I’m not gainfully employed, unemployment insurance benefits will allow me to meet my financial obligations for the foreseeable future, and I do have friends. Okay, so maybe I don’t need any material objects to complete my happiness this Christmas. As for a job, or that situation which will enable me to pursue my other goals? I suppose I will have to be patient and let the economy improve to the point that American business thinks it’s okay to allow me and millions of other Americans to work again.

Oh, Santa, did I mention that this job should include paid sick and personal time, paid holidays and vacations?

(Thank you for reading. Please remember opportunity is everywhere, but it can be an elusive creature just the same.)


Anonymous Janey said...

Dear RTG,

Has the time finally come for you to seriously consider a new career as a male escort? You set your own hours, meet interesting people who take pleasure in your company, make excellent money, and from what I hear, the benefits are fabulous...!


December 14, 2010 at 9:41 PM  

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