A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Wednesday, July 31, 2013

The Pope Said What????

Did anyone feel the global earthquake which struck earlier this week? No? Actually it wasn’t an earthquake so much as the seismic effect created when the jaws of hundreds of millions of Roman Catholic faithful dropped to the ground.

The most intensely faithful must have had this reaction — but strangely have yet to admit to it — when Pope Francis held an impromptu press conference on his return flight from South America. His Holiness fielded questions from the reporters without notes, teleprompter, or an altar boy whispering from behind the curtain. But we’re getting ahead of ourselves.   

We should put this story in chronological order and offer a few comments on the Pontiff’s Brazilian tour. The world’s media were in awe of his appearances. He walked among his followers without a shield or many guards to protect him. He drew a record crowd of an estimated three million people to a Mass on the beach. To put it bluntly, the Pope kicked ass!

Who could have blamed him if he had thrown both of his fists over his head and declared, “Hey, I’m bigger than the Beatles!”

Yet all of this Pope-apalooza action paled to the comment he made on the trip home. I haven’t heard what the other questions were like: “Hey Your Holiness, how was your trip?” “Did the people’s reactions meet with your expectations?” “How did you find the altar boys?” (My suggestions for the Pope’s answers to these alleged questions: “Fantastic! I had a great time!” “The people were wonderful!” “Don’t go there!”), but one reporter actually broached the subject of a gay lobby inside the church. Or, more precisely, what would he do if he realized a cleric in his ranks was gay, but not sexually active. The Pope’s much quoted response: ”Who am I to judge a gay person of goodwill who seeks the Lord? You can’t marginalize these people.”


What a wonderful revelation! Certainly a big break from his predecessor, Pope Benedict XVI, who barred men afflicted with what the Vatican believes is the deep-seated disorder of homosexuality from entering the priesthood. What can you say? After all, Benedict was German and — speaking as a third generation German-American — I have to admit that Germans have issues. Don’t believe me? Google “World War II”.

So who is he to judge? Okay, I’ll play Protestant Advocate now and state, “Who are you? You’re the effin Pope!”

You are the one human being on God’s good Earth who — we’ve been led to believe — has the absolute authority to judge all of us. We expect that you have the power to pronounce us fit or unfit for salvation. You could point to each one of us and with just one word (“Sinner! Sinner! Saint! Sinner! Sinner; no wait, purgatory!”) give us wings or send us where sandals and Bermuda shorts would be considered overdressed.

That said, I will say, “Good for you, your Holiness!” I don’t know if the College of Cardinals are smiling, but hey, you’re in charge! Your comments are a small step in breaking down the barriers against gay rights all over the world.

Now if you could just put in a good word for female priests… May I suggest what the Pope might respond to this alleged question: “Women priests? Eww! Can we talk, guys? Don’t you hate it when you walk into the bathroom in the morning and you find their habits hanging from the shower rod…?

(EDITOR’S NOTE: This entry ends NOW!)

(Thank you for reading! Yep, it’s sandals and Bermuda shorts for me!)


Blogger David Jeffreys said...

I think sandals and Bermuda shorts are better than "habits hanging from the shower rod" any day.

Besides, I ain't worried -- there is neither heaven nor hell. Just nothing after this life.

Why not women priests? Can't he expect them to remain virgins (celibate) like Mary? Catholics adore Mary so much, so why don't they adore all women? Just sayin'.

July 31, 2013 at 11:21 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

Officially, and for the record... Best. Blog. Post. EVER!!! I mean, heaven forbid that the Pope actually exercises in what the Good Book says.... Judge not, lest ye be judged!!! I'm sure ol' Holy Father is thinking... y'know, the dude before me was pretty staunch. He was pretty much trying to force everyone to toe the line. He didn't last very long. I'm digging this cool, funky hat. I'm digging this groovy ring that everyone likes to kiss. I'm thinking I may need to look at this line..... Good for you, Pope'y Boy!!!! Good for you for thinking like you have a brain and a pair! Good for you for actually reading the Bible and living its words than just forcing incorrect Christian concepts down people's throats!!!

August 1, 2013 at 7:40 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you David for your comments. I like to believe that there is something beyond all this, but that's the eternal conflict, isn't it: jumping the chasm between belief and reality.

Thank you Mary for your comments. i couldn't have put it any better than what you wrote.

August 2, 2013 at 7:54 AM  

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