A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.
- Name: todd gunther
- Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States
Friday, October 14, 2016
The 2016 Electoral College Players proudly present a melodrama in one act, Leave Our Party, or a dramatic re-enactment of the final days of the 2016 election for president.
The players are as follows:
A Certain Republican Nominee for President…Boris Karloff
Speaker of the House Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin)…Colin Clive
Angry Torch Wielding Mob…Various Republican Members of Congress, Pundits, and Conservative Media
Snarky Old Woman…Edna Mae Oliver
Program Note: the producers regretfully announce that Edna Mae Oliver will not be appearing in today’s performance.
(Thank you for reading. Make America Grope Again!)
Sunday, October 09, 2016
Things Are Breaking Down
Well, I should have expected this what with political apocalypse staring us in the face. Things, physical and ideological, are breaking down all around us. Many of us are appalled that our cherished American political structure is headed for oblivion. The same many of us are hoping that the election in a few weeks will restore some order in the world and — not to put too fine a point on it — our faith in the American way.
On a more personal note, Warrior Queen and I are putting our hopes in a refrigerator repairman to restore cold food to our lives.
This story began about a month ago when our combination refrigerator/freezer began making some unusual sounds for days on end. There would be knocking, banging, and loud sounds of air blowing, not to mention it went zip when it moved, bop when it stopped, and whirr when it stood still.*
We hoped that the noises were not a warning that something was very wrong. We had heard the noises before, had a certified technician examine our appliance and he pronounced that there was nothing wrong. That was sometime within the last year. This time it was different.
Then one day the noises stopped just as suddenly as they began. (Are you on the edge of your seat yet? If you are, then for God’s sake, sit back!) We hoped (again) that whatever was making the strange noises had somehow — with the blessings of the Frigidaire gods — righted themselves. Tis not to be.
While the offensive sounds subsided the appliance itself stopped pumping cold air into the refrigerator cabinet.
I first noticed the less than cold air last week when I pulled out a bottle of water. In past times the contents would be cold if the bottle was at the front of the shelf, or frozen solid altogether if it had been pushed to the back of the shelf. Last week the bottle did not feel cold nor cool. I felt packages of meat and cheese in the meat drawer; yes, nothing was cold.
We hoped that this was just temporary, kept an eye on the situation, and that the Frigidaire gods would smile upon us and make our faithful cooler chilling again. At the end of the week the food was still warm, and frankly spoiling. My worst suspicions were realized when I opened the milk one morning to pour on my cereal and the liquid did not so much flow as glommed onto my grains in a thick paste. Within minutes milk and the remaining tablespoon of sour cream were poured down the kitchen drain.
Apologies to any readers who may be munching on their morning rations while reading this.
So with an oath to the kitchen appliance deities (“Damn p***y Frigidaire gods!”), I asked Warrior Queen to summon a repairman. She called on Friday and, as luck would have it, the repairman could come until Tuesday because it is a holiday weekend. Damn p***y federal holidays!
I don’t know, something about some explorer landing in the new world years ago with the intention of expanding trade and commerce, but in reality beginning a long process of slavery and cultural subjugation. In recent years this Columbus Day celebration has morphed into a recognition of everything Italian-American. Being a big fan of Italian cuisine, I am okay with the ethnic influence overtaking a day honoring someone who many historians believe committed genocide. Okay, I’ll kiss you for being Italian; just distance yourself from Chris Columbus.
Umm, where was I…oh, yes. So now we have relocated any definite perishables (dairy products and eggs) to the freezer. I don’t know what the freezing molecules will do to the nutritional value once we thaw them again, but we’ll find out soon enough. Oh and how is the freezer you may ask? It’s working fine, and I am grateful that half of the appliance is well, although I can’t overcome the feeling that its continued operation is just rubbing salt in the wound.
In a few days we will find out if our refrigerator can be repaired or if it needs to be replaced. In the meantime the remaining items — condiments and a few salad vegetables — are on their own. I hope to use the remaining vegetables up tomorrow before they decay too much further.
Speaking of decay, the political process continues anon tonight with a rematch between Hillary Clinton and the Republican thing.
Damn p***y Republican thing!
*With apologies to Peter, Paul and Mary.
(Thank you for reading. “I never knew just what it was and I guess I never will.” –The Marvelous Toy.)
Tuesday, October 04, 2016
Praise for the Republican Party
No, you read the title right. Today we will praise the Republican Party for its presidential nominee.
I know I will take flak for this entry. Warrior Queen, for one, may not speak to me for a long time, but that is a consequence I am willing to accept.
Many will wonder why I am doing such a thing. They will rightly point to many of my earlier entries and come away with the opinion that I am very anti-Republican.
While I will not contest this impression of my political leanings, I will state that my salute to the Grand Old Party is my way of making up for any bad feelings I make have caused over the years. I am also acutely aware that I should be fair to all of my subjects.
After all, I don’t leave everyone with the impression that I am biased towards any political direction.
Therefore, it is with pride and deep admiration that I commend the Republican Party for nominating a person who is so loathsome, vile, and profoundly unfit for high office that it makes Richard Nixon look like an absolute saint!
(Thank you for reading! Nearly 200 words of enthusiasm for the GOP. I don’t know how I made it this far!)
Saturday, October 01, 2016
Politics at 3:00am
So the first Presidential debate for 2016 is past and the fall out continues on both sides. Many pundits agree that Hillary Clinton won the first debate and she has been rewarded with a rise in some of the state polls. Clinton and the other guy* were nearly dead even in the polls just prior to the first debate. Now, post-debate, she is enjoying at least a four point lead in some states.
This is a good thing. It was nice to see someone on the national political stage act so, so, oh what is the word I’m looking for? Oh, yes, grown-up! It is nice to see someone running for high office acting like an adult!
Clinton managed to stay focused on the issues the American electorate should be concerned about for most of the debate. Then towards the end she allowed herself to be dragged down into the other guy’s area of innuendo. It was her way of highlighting his temperament towards others and, consequently, his unsuitability to be President.
She brought up his attitudes towards women by ticking off his past quotes: television personality Rosie O’Donnell is a “pig”; pregnant female employees are an “inconvenience” to their employers; calling a Miss Universe pageant contestant (and eventual winner) “Miss Piggy”, among his other greatest sound bite hits. The Miss Universe story must have really gotten under his skin. The guy not only walked into Clinton’s trap, but continued to wallow in it for the remainder of the week.
A better man/politician would have taken the high road after the debate and concentrated on the issues. Not our boy! The very next morning he telephoned an interview on his favorite morning news show and reiterated his experiences with this Miss Universe contestant, which opened the misogynistic wounds (and proved Clinton’s point) all over again.
Later in the week he returned to his favorite style of communication and resorted to typing a series of overnight tweets about how the Clinton campaign had chosen a poor role model in using the Miss Universe pageant winner as their symbol for his temperamental shortcomings. He decried that Clinton’s symbol has run afoul of the law on a few occasions and hinted that there might be a sex tape in her past.
So this is where the Republican nominee has led his campaign! Instead of reiterating and detailing his plans to make America anything but xenophobic again, he went back to his old playbook that has gotten him wild applause from his supporters and his party’s nomination.
Within a day of the overnight Twitter attacks, Clinton responded with her own tweet (at 3:28am) talking up the idea of national service. No insults directed at her own opponent, no innuendo about his past, and certainly no fat shaming beauty pageant contestants. Imagine! A politician talking about ideas! What is the political world coming to?
This brings to mind a campaign tactic produced and broadcast when President Obama ran in the primaries for his first term in 2008. A campaign ad by his opponent raised the question about the call at 3:00am when a President may be notified of a crisis which would have to be dealt with immediately. The ads questioned whether Barack Obama, having only served one term as a Senator, would be up to the challenge of making such a decision.
Obama’s opponent in that race? Hillary Clinton!
I would love to see this ad revived against what’s his name. On the other hand the ad may not have any credibility at this point. We now know that politicians are too busy tweeting at 3:00am to answer the phone.
*I’ve forgotten his name at the moment, which is probably a good a way as any to disrespect his brand.
(Thank you for reading. Everyone, if your phone rings at 3:00am with a message or a call, just ignore it and go back to sleep. Seriously, we all need to rest at that hour.)
Saturday, September 24, 2016
And It’s Autumn…
I had full intentions of writing an entry earlier this week, but for one reason or another it did not happen. My wrist injury - which I am supposed to be treating with a temporary splint - makes typing on the computer keyboard difficult. If my wrist does not heal in two weeks, then the orthopedist will upgrade me to a plaster cast for 3-6 weeks. The idea that, for the first time in my life, I will need to wear a cast is not helping my currently gloomy (or gloomier than usual) mood.
Just as well. The ideas for essays have not been coming easily lately. My muses left ideas scribbled in some sort of short hand gibberish on post it notes here and there before abandoning me altogether. I don’t really know where they went. I have one theory that perhaps they have been seduced by promises of a lucrative future working in a Hawaiian shirt factory somewhere in the southwestern part of the country. Ah, I can just see them now, probably working 12-14 hour days handcuffed to a battery of old Singer sewing machines.
It would serve the bitches right!
In any event, the most disappointing, hottest summer of my life is over and autumn has arrived. The temperatures have cooled already, although the humidity is still hanging around in the atmosphere like the toxic air left behind whenever a certain nominee for President comes to town. With this in mind, we should celebrate my favorite time of year. It’s not too hot, not too cold, and many times it can be just right.
In this spirit, we present a video of one of the most hauntingly beautiful songs recorded in the rock era. This is probably the most wonderful Moody Blues song which the group never recorded. Their lead singer, Justin Hayward, was invited to sing this song as part of Jeff Wayne’s production of H.G. Wells The War of the Worlds. We can listen to it as a lament for someone who lost their beloved and beloved way of life to the Martian invaders. Or a dirge for those of us who are looking at the things to come beyond this election and not liking what we see one bit.
Your choice, but by all means please enjoy.
(Thank you for reading. Okay, now my wrist aches. I know, whine, whine, whine!)