A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Saturday, January 23, 2016

And It Ain’t a Fit Day Out for Man Nor Beast

Ah, the weekend! That 48 hour break from the 9-5 routine to complete the chores we can’t find the time to do the other five days of the week. This weekend, Mother Nature is throwing a serious crimp into everyone’s normal Saturday routine, or at least those of us on the east coast of the United States.

We are in the middle of a blizzard, complete with multiple feet of frozen water accumulation, high winds, and drifts everywhere. If this were a weekday (read: workday) it would be a wonderful snow day. This would be a good thing…if it were a weekday.

Ah, the weekend! What a waste of a perfectly good snow day!

No matter. We heard the warnings early in the week and planned accordingly. Knowing that we would be running out of necessities (cat litter and cat food) by the time the storm was scheduled to hit, we took steps to split the shopping duties. I got a few things I wanted for the weekend at our nearby Aldi. Warrior Queen went to the nearest Weis Market the next day for enough cat food to get us through the weekend. And we were totally out of Heinz Ketchup, but I’ll come back to that later.

This way, we avoided the crush of humanity packing the grocery stores on Friday afternoon just hours before the storm hit. These are probably the same people who have to be the first ones in the stores on Black Friday (November 27 or thereabouts) by camping out in front of the stores as early as Labor Day. These super consumers need help, but I digress.

We normally do our shopping on the weekend, so I was not terribly concerned when I tapped out our last bottle of ketchup early in the week. I figured I could wait until the weekend for a fresh supply. Then news of the storm threatened to postpone our shopping trip and my expected, nay anticipated, replenishment of my favorite condiment. Those who know me can probably guess what the prospective postponement of our shopping trip did to me.

Yes, withdrawal symptoms set in.

This had all the earmarks of a crisis, relative to other crises faced by humanity. ISIS may be gaining ground in the middle east? The disaffected young people drawn to its promises will eventually abandon it and the movement should collapse. Donald Trump may be our next president? Shrug our shoulders and know that the republic will survive. No Heinz Ketchup in the house? Now we have a problem.

Well, there is a happy ending. The cats have food to eat and a place to put it when it comes out the other end. I have my precious condiment again. And we are hunkered down as the snow blows sideways, our cats amuse themselves watching the chickadees, cardinals, blue jays, and mourning doves gorge themselves at the bird feeder, and the birds at the feeder stare back at the cats with expressions of WTF? on their little bird faces.

Again, a terrible waste of a snow day, but the republic will survive!


Oh, yes, another Monday came and went and another classic rocker went to the great concert venue in the sky. So, in memory of Glenn Frey, here is what I consider the definitive version of Hotel California.

(Thank you for reading and listening. Stay warm wherever you are!)


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mmmmmmmmm ..... ketchup! Nectar of the Gods.

~ Freckles

January 23, 2016 at 4:00 PM  
Anonymous Janey the Ice Cunt said...

I thought I'd beat the rush and do my shopping on Thursday; by Thursday morning at the State Store (my first and most important stop) you would have thought we drinkers were preparing for the apocalypse. Same at the Giant supermarket: I had to park so far away I should have just walked from home. Then to Pet Supplies Plus for two Corydoras, two albino, social, bottom feeding but active fish for my Betta tank. And home to the storm...

RTG, I would I bring you Heinz Ketchup (I have some); it is only a two-mile walk from my house to yours, and I have enough wine in me (or do I?) to get me through the snowdrifts. Yeah, I'm that kind of friend; that kind of gal...

Warmth and Relaxation to you and Warrior Queen!

January 23, 2016 at 9:37 PM  
Blogger Fearsome Beard said...

I posted that same version of Hotel California earlier in the week. It's by far the best.

January 24, 2016 at 9:43 AM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

I am warm, never fear.
I miss snow days; I miss snow actually.

January 24, 2016 at 9:03 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you Freckles for your condiment endorsement. And it's so versatile.

I was at the same shopping center that night, Janey. Same as you saw Thursday morning...jammed at the Giant. I was able to get in and out of the Pet Supplies Plus for wild bird seed with very little problem. Thanks also for the ketchup offer. We're good now.

Hi Fearsome Beard. We considered a few versions, but found the one we posted to be the best.

Hi Spo. Sorry you miss the snow. I think this one will satisfy our longing for the rest of the season.

January 26, 2016 at 6:48 AM  

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