Mixed Signals from California

To The Great State of California:

Hi, Cali! What’s up? I just wanted to write a short note on behalf of all progressive-thinking people in America and thank you for your efforts in helping Barack Obama get over the top in electoral votes and propel him to the White House. It was a momentous day in our country’s history and your contribution played a large part in that victory.

Unfortunately, we must also note that, while you helped a minority win the presidency, you also put the screws to another segment of society. Your voters passed Proposition 8, which bans gay marriage and nullified all the gay nuptials that had been consecrated within your borders. I can’t help seeing a mixed signal here. Let me get this straight: you said it’s okay to put an African-American (not colored, Ms. Lohan) into the White House, but we don’t want homosexuals procreating. Is that truly the message you want to send?

I find the mixture of tolerance/intolerance a bit disconcerting. Many of you obviously believe that you voted for the proposition to uphold the sanctity of marriage between a man and a woman. Are we in the heterosexual community that insecure about marriage that we deny basic legal rights to consenting adults who want to build a meaningful relationship with each other? If we are insecure, then I wouldn’t blame the gays and lesbians. I would rather subscribe our insecurities to the great institution of divorce.

Some members of the gay community have already sent their gratitude to you for reaffirming their “second class citizenship” status. This is how they see this struggle. They don’t look at gay marriage as just simply a ceremony to get though before they get it on with each other. No, they see it as a civil rights struggle as much as the African-American community viewed it forty years ago.

Many of you believe that an overall law allowing gay marriage isn’t necessary to outlaw discrimination. Some of your advocates state that there are already laws in existence prohibiting prejudice against gays. Okay, if these laws do truly exist, then please quote me these laws, chapter and verse. Regardless, if these laws do exist, it hardly seems to be the point. Obviously, these laws aren’t being enforced well enough to satisfy the proponents of gay marriage.

So now the backlash begins: protests are already being staged across the country. Some of these protests are directed at one of the main supporters of Proposition 8, the Mormon Church. This is curious that they would want to support a measure limiting marriage to one man and one woman, given their polygamous traditions. Oh well, just another strange part of this issue that can’t be easily explained.

The protests could only be the beginning. Someone in the gay community is bound to suggest economic sanctions against California any day now. Watch out, Napa Valley! I’m not so sure that an economic boycott will work right now, what with the rest of the global economy in the tank. After all, who’s going to notice that wine bottles are collecting dust on liquor store shelves when Americans are being thrown out of their jobs and their homes?

I do have one idea that might drive home the message of tolerance. California, you may force us to take away something very precious to you. Of course I’m talking about your marijuana crop — all of it, medicinal and otherwise. I realize that this is a harsh punishment, but you must learn the lesson that prejudice stinks! Keep this in mind, California, the next time you go to the polls for something like...oh, immigration reform for example. You may believe you’ve acted justly in the name of morality, but you certainly won’t have that nice buzz in your head.