Rumor Hasn’t – September 2009

It’s time once again to deny, dispute, and/or otherwise invalidate the following rumors, which I just made up.

It is not true that...

1 ...the Philadelphia Eagles will sign Lockerbie bombing suspect, Abdelbaset Ali Mohemed Al Megrahi, to be a back-up quarterback.

2 ...Kanye West will start writing a blog on the subject of etiquette.

3 ...South Carolina Representative Joe Wilson will be admonished by the US Congress by smacking him on the nose with a rolled up copy of The Washington Post while Nancy Pelosi yells, “Bad! Bad Congressman!”

4 ...Octomom Nadia Suleman and Kate Gosselin will combine their broods to go up against the entire Duggar clan, who have just announced that they are expecting baby #19, in a pay per view smack down.

5 ...the Philadelphia Eagles will hire convicted mass murderer Charles Manson for their public relations department.

6 ...Kanye West and Congressman Joe Wilson will host a reality-based show called Sour Grapes.

7 ...Mr. Duggar will retire from making babies and move into a killer bachelor pad with Jon Gosselin.

8 ...Birthers and tea baggers will get a life.

9 ...Kanye West will write a self-help book How to be a Public Nuisance and an Overall General Pain-in-the-Ass to Society.

(Thank you for reading. Please remember: let’s be civil out there!)