Snort Notes – April 2012

NEWT GINGRICH SUSPENDS HIS CAMPAIGN FOR THE REPUBLICAN PRESIDENTIAL NOMINATION

The former Congressman from Georgia announced on April 25 that he would suspend his campaign effective May 1. My question: What was wrong with April 25? Why not suspend your campaign on the day you announce that you are suspending your campaign? Don’t tease us! Just say good-bye and leave the political stage! And don’t linger in the wings waiting for someone to ask you back to make a political-base stirring speech at the national convention. 

I can only think that his announcement was timed so to give his true, diehard supporters — you know, the ones who agree with every outlandish, delusional view point he espouses, but haven’t been opening their wallets like they should — one last chance to put their money where his mouth is. Yes, true believers, this is your last chance to resurrect this moribund candidate's final grasp for a lasting, iconic legacy. Hurry, hurry, hurry…before he fades away…and boomerangs back into the spotlight just like he’s done dozens of times before.

So what will old Newtster do with his new found free time? Revive his faltering consulting business? Drown his sorrows with a multi-million dollar shopping spree at Tiffany’s? Or will he take another tour of every petting zoo in the country? 

Newt…just leave, and don’t let any lobbyists hit you in the ass on your way out.

MISSISSIPPI GOVERNOR PHILIP BRYANT DECLARES THAT THE LEFT’S MISSION IS TO “ABORT BABIES, TO KILL CHILDREN IN THE WOMB”

The governor said this revelation on a conservative Internet program, just after his administration pushed through legislation that will effectively close down the only abortion clinic in his state. He directed his comments at opponents of the new law. 

Wow!  I was not aware of this! Let me run down the checklist of the left agenda.

Over-reaching government intrusion into every conceivable facet of American life?

Check!

Requiring every American man, woman, and child to have the ability to pay for his/her own health care bills?

Check!

Spending lots and lots of taxpayer money on useful programs that benefits millions upon millions of taxpayers?

Check!

Cold-blooded murder of unborn children? Well, that is a new one! When did this plank get added to the platform?

Please believe me: I’m not making fun of children dying. I am belittling the thought of grown adults making outrageous, insulting comments just to score political points with their twisted, narrow-minded constituency. There is no need for such frankly libelous labeling. Name-calling is so immature, but what else can we expect from a low-life, bottom-feeding, slimy mud puppy.  (With sincere apologies to real mud puppies everywhere.)

SECRETARY OF STATE HILLARY CLINTON HAS AN APPROVAL RATING OF 65%

Okay, here are three words you would never have seen grouped together 20 years ago:  “Hillary” “Clinton” and “popular”. As you may recall, 20 years ago Hillary was an ambitious First Lady who seemed to exemplify Eleanor Roosevelt more than June Cleaver, which apparently was the role model most Americans preferred for their First Ladies.

My use of the word ambitious is a delicate way of saying she was hard charging and driven to achieve a particular agenda. Her critics — who coincidentally can be considered on the right wing of the political spectrum — did not mince words; they called her a “bitch”.

Even Newt’s mom used the word when she quoted her son’s description of the First Lady! Ah, I have fond memories of that nationally televised interview; God bless you, Connie Chung! 

Which reminds me: Newt, are you still here? Stop lurking around and leave! Can someone show Newt the way out, please?

Anyway, a lot has changed in 20 years, and now Mrs. Clinton has weathered attacks from the right wing media, the Monica Lewinsky scandal, served the state of New York as a Senator, and has shined as America’s leading diplomat under Barack Obama. People actually like her; nay, they respect her!

What happened? Most of it is undoubtedly due to Mrs. Clinton’s hard work, but perhaps the right wing media has let their guard down. Way to go, Rush! While you’ve been busy trashing the reputations of college co-eds seeking medication for painful conditions, but you believe they use the drugs for extra-curricular activities, your old nemesis Hillary has risen in everyone’s esteem. Way to go, Hillary! She is so popular now that there is talk in Democratic circles that she could be serious contender for the party’s nomination in four years. Hillary in 2016…it is worth considering.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY LITTLE BROTHER, DONALD

My “little brother” is a foot taller than me, but he is younger. This weekend, he celebrates his birth, and it’s not just any birthday this year. On Sunday, he turns five-oh! Yes, the half century mark! Woo-hoo! AARP, here he comes!

I know I’m gloating like mad, but at least I’m doing it in the safety of my own blog, miles away from his residence. I don’t have to worry about any little acts of revenge he could do, like turning my mattress over — while I’m still sleeping on the mattress — or taking bites out of my hamburger — at a restaurant when I wasn’t even sitting with him. (Do you remember that one, Janey?)

Happy birthday, Don!   Hope you have a great day!

(Thank you for reading. No, we did not say “Newt 2016”. Will you get out of here, Newt!)