A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

My Photo
Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Thursday, July 05, 2007

“…And It’s A Beautiful Day in Fairfax County” – Part Two

Our tourist is probably feeling hungry now that we’ve gone to a few historical sites and attended a concert. There are many wonderful restaurants for our tourist to fill his stomach and quench his thirst. I have some great memories of a small Italian restaurant called Generous George’s Positive Pizza and Pasta Place. The unique thing about Generous George’s is they serve the pasta dishes on top of a baked pizza crust. Carbs ahoy! All the pastas are good and the portions are plentiful, but my favorite was a shrimp primavera. Generous George’s is very family friendly. It is gaudily decorated with bright colors (think neon pink and green) and the occasional carousel horse mounted in the middle of the room.

We now head to the northern part of Fairfax County. Here the cost of living is slightly higher and the neighborhoods are more upscale. Many high ranking government officials live in this part of the county. Here you can see such sights as the flowerbed trampled by reporters as they tried to get a response from presidential adviser Karl Rove. Or the street where Ken Starr jogged while humming “Bringing in the Sheaves” to himself and plotting the overthrow of the Clinton administration.

This part of the county is also home to several government agencies, as well as the contractors, sub-contractors, and sub-sub-contractors which the government utilizes to keep this great county of ours running. It’s either that or the biggest damn money pit for most of our taxes. Taxpayer money is sucked down into this pit, where it is never accounted for and never seen again.

A very important branch of the federal government is also located in northern Fairfax County. No, I’m not referring to the office of the vice president, but I am talking about the National Rifle Association. This branch is not mentioned in the Constitution, but it is nevertheless highly influential. The executive branch very rarely makes a move without an okay from the NRA. If this group doesn’t approve of an administration half-baked idea – like an ill-conceived war in Iraq – then it doesn’t happen. Okay, obviously the administration got that one past the NRA, but otherwise their word is final!

It’s fitting that the NRA should have its headquarters in Fairfax County, since the county serves as the gateway to the rest of the Commonwealth of Virginia, or as many liberals refer to it, “the wild, wild west.” Here, guns are plentiful and the popular attitude is tote your guns anywhere and anytime. Sadly, such events as the Virginia Tech shootings throw a damper on this Second Amendment utopia, but fortunately they can result in common sense compromises of the extremely lax gun laws that Virginia values highly.

This then is the wonder of Fairfax County, a buffer between the Washington Beltway mentality and the reality known and cherished by the rest of the world. It is here that our tourist leaves us, weary from his travails, but wiser in the ways and means of the federal bureaucracy. Now, as the sun sets on our beautiful day in Fairfax County, we bid farewell with the traditional inner Beltway greeting heard by many drivers as they navigate the major roads of the county:

“Get the hell out of my way! My time is way more important than yours!”


Post a Comment

<< Home