A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, February 24, 2008

An American Male Is Right!

News flash: an American male was declared correct and right by his spouse at approximately 10:00am on Sunday, February 24, 2008. My dear readers, I know that this actually happened because – modesty be damned – I am that man! I’m still a bit in shock that it did occur, but I must savor this moment as long as I can.

The backstory is simply this: my wife and I have concluded that it is time to retire our old Norge refrigerator. We reached this decision when we noticed some of our frozen food starting to thaw out in the freezer. Also, it is taking ice cubes up to two days to form in their compartment trays. This shouldn’t be happening in a fully functioning, efficient refrigerator/freezer.

Thus, we set out on this nice, cold, sunny day to purchase a refrigerator. We were driving to our nearest hardware/home supplies chain box store (name withheld because they are not paying for advertising space) when we came to an intersection. Anne Marie thought that we should turn left at the intersection, but I knew that we should be turning right. I voiced my concern, but she was so sure that she was right, that I let it pass without further argument. Her attitude was, “So if I’m wrong, we’ll turn around, no harm done.”

“Okay, it’s your gas, dear,” I said. I let it go at this, even though I was feeling the need to use the facilities at the store regardless of which damned direction it was in. Every moment that we spent going in the wrong direction was one more minute of discomfort for my full bladder.

She concluded that she had taken a wrong turn after driving three blocks and noticed we were getting closer to Philadelphia with no box stores in sight. As she turned around in a strip mall I muttered something like, “Yes, Todd. You were right, Todd. Thank you, Todd." I didn't say “I told you so” even though I would’ve been justified in saying it.

Anne Marie was gracious – she didn’t kick me out of the car and demand that I walk home - and she agreed that, “Yes, you were right. I was wrong!” I felt slightly giddy at this news, pride swelling in my chest and my ego, but otherwise still feeling uncomfortable in my bowels.

We finally reached the store, where I was able to use the restroom. Within an hour, we were the proud owners of a new GE refrigerator/top freezer unit. The new debt I incurred is now my concern, but not even that realization could spoil my elation at being declared right. Anne Marie even told an embarrassing story about how I had damaged a shelf in our old refrigerator in a fit of anger. Normally, I would’ve objected to her telling this story to a stranger, but I was still basking in the glow of being correct.

So, men, do not despair, do not give up! You can be right too! Many times the odds are against us, but eventually the law of averages will bring us out on top! Anne Marie may have to answer for her sins to her fellow women, but I’m sure she’ll be able to handle it.

For now, I am still enjoying my moment of correctness. I’ll never know when this will happen again, or how long it will last. After all, I could do something terribly dumb at any time. Then my time of right and triumph will have passed. I will always remember this incident for as long as I will live, or at least until someone catches me doing something stoopid.


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