A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Where’s Your Balls, Bud?

Poor Bud Selig!

I just thought I’d put those three words together because I know this blog is the only place in the known universe that those three words will appear together. Today, Bud Selig, the controversial commissioner of major league baseball, is the most hated man in the world. Particularly if you are a Philadelphia Phillies fan. He is not getting any sympathy from anyone in the world, except for, perhaps, Osama bin Laden.

Why the hatred? Because he allowed game five of the World Series to go beyond five innings in weather conditions that even George Washington would have found offensive when he camped at Valley Forge. Nay, even W.C. Fields had more favorable weather conditions when he filmed “The Fatal Glass of Beer”, and even he pronounced it “not a fit night out for man or beast.” In short, the weather at Citizens Bank Park last night was wet, cold, wet, windy, wet and unofficially described as “blech”!

It started out as a light rain before the first pitch was thrown. The rain drizzled off and on after the home team scored two runs in the first inning. Then, as the Tampa Bay Rays were consistently turned away from scoring, the rain gradually increased. The grounds crew was called out several times to put dry dirt down, in the hopes that this would improve conditions enough to finish all nine innings.

Unfortunately, it became evident in the fifth inning — about the time Jimmy Rollins lost a routine fly ball in the raindrops and the infield had become a sea of mud - that it was a lost cause. The powers to be finally called a suspension to the game only after the Rays had tied up the score, but before the stadium began to sink into the Delaware River.

Phillies fans, who believe the game should have been suspended after the fifth inning, smelled a rat. Who, we reasoned, would allow a game to go on when the weather reports were not favorable? As Selig later explained, it was a group decision among his office, other major league baseball officials, the umpire crew, and the management teams from both ball clubs. Okay, so their intentions may have been good, but many fans believe another force was at work.

Many Philadelphia fans believe that Selig only kept the game going long enough to appease the forces of God, aka Rupert Murdoch and the Fox Network. Granted, they paid for the rights to broadcast the games and make untold millions off the series. Also, granted, it would be in their best interest to see the series go to a full seven games and generate more ad revenue for them. However, they are not the only ones to be considered in this equation.

What about the players, Bud? They are out there endangering their health and well being by playing in these miserable conditions. Don’t they deserve your respect and due consideration when deciding to allow a game to go on?

What about the fans, Bud? The fans in the stands had to sit in this meteorological misery, pelted by raindrops, getting soaked to the skin, and whipped by winds. Did they really deserve this kind of treatment after all the money they paid for their seats?

What about the fans at home, Bud? They’ve had to stay up late to watch these games just so the Fox Network can get the most bang for their buck in prime time advertising dollars. They will lose sleep and their employers will lose precious productivity this week just because you couldn’t stand up to Fox and schedule games at major league baseball's convenience.

I’m sorry, but are you or are you not in charge of major league baseball? Where were your balls when you needed them the most? Aren’t you the number one guy, the one in charge, the one who has final say on matters involving the professional ball and glove?

Perhaps you should think long and hard on these matters the next time you have to decide to play a game or not. So far, you seem to have learned your lesson. As I write this, I hear that the game will not be resumed tonight, as the rain and cold temperatures are still present in the area. Finally, you’re getting your priorities straight.

In the meantime, don’t try to contact us baseball fans; we’re not speaking to you. I suggest you find a place to hide for a few days — perhaps a hole in the ground or a cave somewhere. You may want to look up Osama bin Laden. He probably understands your pain right now and might be looking for a roommate.


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