A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

A Visit with Dr. Lowe Argon

Dear Readers: Many times arteejee will take on various issues which seem important and relevant that day. Then there are other times when my wife, Anne Marie, and I need to get something out of our system. This brings us to a visit with Dr. Lowe Argon, sales therapist.

Dr. Argon: Now, Mr. and Mrs. Gunther, I understand you need to overcome some hostility as the result of a close encounter with a window salesman. I want to let you know that I am here to help. Let’s start with some role playing. Here. Mr. Gunther, read this script.

Me: Um, okay. “Good day sir and/or madame! Would you be interested in buying some of our lovely double pane low-E argon gas windows today? They are energy efficient and easy to clean with their tilt-in panels."

Anne Marie: "Well, I need to know how much they will cost me. Can you give me an estimate?"

Me: "Estimate? An estimate? I don’t have an estimate. I don’t have to show you any stinking estimates!"

Dr. Argon: No, no, Mr. Gunther. That’s not right. Just read off the script.

Me: Oh, all right. “Why, yes, madame, I can give you an estimate, without any obligation to buy today. Let me just...” What a piece of crap!

Dr. Argon: Excuse me?

Me: This script! It’s a load of crap!

Anne Marie: He’s right, Dr. Argon. This doesn’t sound anything like the sales pitch we heard. It’s nowhere near reality.

Me: That’s right. My next line should be, “Are you ready to buy today?"

Anne Marie: And I would say, “Hell no!”

Dr. Argon: Well, it appears you two need to schedule some more therapy sessions.

Me: And my answer would be, “What? Why not? Don’t you have any money to put down on these windows today? Man, you’re wasting my time!”

Dr. Argon: No, Mr. Gunther, please.

Anne Marie: "Aw, bite me, window salesman."

Me: "Stop stalling. Whip out your checkbook, bitch!"

Dr. Argon: No, that’s wrong! That’s very bad!

Anne Marie: “Hey, Beavis, how many dead window salesmen does it take to screw in a light bulb?”

Dr. Argon: No, bad! Bad Gunthers, bad! No, no!

...and so on and so forth. Thank you for indulging us, dear readers. We feel better already.


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