A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

My Photo
Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Sarah Palin and the Death Committee

The three day festival of “music and peace” in Woodstock, NY happened this weekend 40 years ago. For all intents and purposes, it was an event that entertained the young generation by the leading music acts of the day, while at the same time raised awareness of many issues — political, environmental, cultural, etc. It quickly became a legendary cultural landmark of the 1960s and has attained mythical status down through the years. It has become a badge of honor for many of the past two generations to be able to answer “yes” to the question, “Were you at Woodstock?”

I only note this in passing because one of the most infamous statements made from the stage at Woodstock was a warning about the “brown acid” (LSD to those of you too young to know the term acid). Many people heeded this warning, but many others not only disregarded their own safety, but apparently they’re still throwing caution to the wind 40 years later! I am referring to people who are so out of touch with reality that a very bad acid trip is the only logical explanation for their actions. No, I’m not talking about the management at the Philadelphia Eagles; I’m saving them for next week.

No, I’m referring to people like former governor of Alaska and professional fear monger Sarah Palin. She is among a group of, coincidentally, largely conservative right-wing individuals who are deeply critical of President Obama’s health care reform plans. The most interesting argument against the plan came from Ms. Palin, who linked a few proposals under consideration with Nazi Germany.

The target of her ire was a provision which would allow Medicare to pay for counseling family members who have a dying loved one. The voluntary consultations could be used to dispense information on living wills, pain medication, health care proxies, and hospice care. Somehow in the brown-acid-burned brains of the opposition, this idea would have given the federal government the right to pull the plug on the loved one if further medical care was determined to be too costly. Ms. Palin called this a “death committee”.

Oh, Sarah, Sarah, whatever have you been smoking? It’s okay, you can admit it to us liberals. We won’t condemn because many people in our generation have experimented with controlled substances. Some of us have even inhaled, and a few of us have inhaled and admitted that we had inhaled! You can confide in us, because we’ll understand. Oh, sure, we’ll call you names like “hypocrite”, “liar” and/or “bitch”, but otherwise we’re a rather broad-minded lot.

Or could it be something else? Could it be some uncooked moose which you mistakenly ate? Could that be causing your erratic remarks?

Well, whatever the case, I doubt that the right will back off from their attacks. It’s a shame that this provision won’t go through — plans now call for it to be dropped from the House bill. This information could be very handy, given that so many Americans are now living well beyond our natural expiration date. Perhaps I can demonstrate with the following small playlet.

SCENE: the bedroom of a very infirm elderly woman, who is choking and gagging in her bed. A young woman stands by the bed with an empty water glass in her hand, when the woman’s husband rushes in.

HUSBAND: Dear, what’s wrong with mother?

WIFE: I don’t know! I just gave her some of her medication from this glass of cloudy water I found in the kitchen.

HUSBAND: Oh, no! Was this the water glass by the sink?

WIFE: Why, yes! I thought it was her morning dose of Benefiber.

HUSBAND: That wasn’t Benefiber! It was Liquid Plumber! I was going to use it on the clogged sink, but I got distracted by a tweet!

WIFE: (with hand to forehead) Oh no! Whatever have I done?

HUSBAND: If only the government had allowed Medicare to advise us about living wills, health care proxies, hospice care, and...and proper pain medication. Mother wouldn’t be gagging to death right now!

WIFE: (dropping the glass, burying her head in her hands) What have I done! Oh, what have I done!

MOTHER: Arrrrgh!


Well, Sarah Palin, I hope you’re satisfied!

(Thank you for reading. Please remember to avoid the brown acid and always cook your moose thoroughly before eating.)


Post a Comment

<< Home