A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Monday, October 19, 2009

Possible World Series Configurations

Now that we have a general idea of the teams that will be in the World Series, we can start the speculation about who will be the winners and the losers. The sports journalists will go on endlessly analyzing earned run averages, a pitcher's won/loss record in the post season, overall team averages, and (of course) everything any baseball fan ever wanted to know about the competing team's bullpen but was afraid to ask.

Sadly, none of this matters. Yes, you read that right. All of those statistics of the most statisticed-to-death professional sport on the face of the Earth will not matter in the long run. Everyone who knows knows that all matters are the television ad revenue that can be generated from broadcasting the Series.

This year, three of the contenders come from cities recognized as large television ad markets: New York and Los Angeles. The fourth team is, of course, my home town of Philadelphia. I like to think that Philly is a large market on its own, but I doubt that the big television ad executives see it that way. They probably consider southeastern Pennsylvania as a medium size market at best. It’s not their fault. This determination is based on the population size of the market. Which is okay because, no matter what they think, our team, our beloved Phillies, are still the defending world champs! So there!

So, as a public service, I will attempt to offer my analysis of the 2009 World Series from the point of view of the television networks and major league baseball. What combination of the contenders — California Angels, Los Angeles Dodgers, New York Yankees, or Philadelphia Phillies — will deliver the most bang for the buck. The Fox Network will either get banged in a nice way and enjoy hand-over-fist profits, or they will get bucked, i.e., the ad executives will bend over and take one for Rupert Murdoch, and certainly not in a nice way.

One further word of explanation about my use of the term “bucked”: yes, it is a double entendre. Of course, it rhymes with an action that usually occurs at bedtime, but I certainly can’t use that word! Let’s face it, no one will understand what I’m saying if I use the word “tucked” to denote the Fox Network taking a financial dive in the series.

The term "bucked" is also my tribute to Fox Sports commentator, Joe Buck, who will most likely get to call the series for the network. At some point in his career, Buck made his views about Philadelphia very clear, and not in a nice way. To be fair, one would be hard pressed to find a chapter of the Joe Buck Appreciation Society in southeastern Pennsylvania, so we’re even on that score.


Teams from two large television markets guarantee huge viewership and ratings that go through the roof! The Fox Network will be able to charge professional football championship style ad prices. This is nirvana for many ad executives. Fox will get BANGED!


This has definite marketing possibilities, even though it will be between the large market of New York and the medium size share of Philadelphia. This is a rematch of the 1950 World Series! Think of the possible hype leading up to the series! I can see it now: “You’ve been waiting 59 years for this, and now it is here: The Revenge of the Whiz Kids!” Unfortunately, the Fox Network may see this as getting mildly BUCKED.


Again, a large market team against a medium size market. This series may provoke mild depression in many television executives at Fox. Even I’m finding a hard time getting excited about this possible matchup. BUCKED


Two teams from the same large market is not quite the ad dream combination you might believe. The hype could call this match “The Battle of the Smogs,” but that won’t help. There’s a good chance that the only ones tuning in will be residents of southern California. Outside of that area, who will care; people in the other markets will turn to football for consolation. I can see television ad executives acting out their suicidal intentions by walking into the Pacific Ocean if the two Los Angeles area teams play the Series. SERIOUSLY BUCKED.

To all the players, good luck. And as for the Phillies, even if you don’t repeat this year, thank you for a wonderful season just the same. I mean that. Seriously, I wouldn’t buck with you!

(Thank you for reading. Please remember it’s time to play ball!)


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