A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Friday, December 18, 2009

The Golfer Who Can’t Say “No”

What an exciting year Tiger Woods has had! The golfing whiz wunderkind may have had a so-so year on the links, but he’s ending 2009 with a bang! He has so many friends coming forward wishing him a great holiday season. This would not be a bad thing itself, except some of these friends are buxom blondes with an unquenchable appetite for wealthy athletes.

At last count, 11 of Tiger’s mistresses have appeared ready to tell their stories to whomever in the 24/7 electronic media is willing to listen. They have come out of the woodwork faster than a Titliest can circle a cup on the ninth hole! I’ve held off commenting on Tiger’s troubles for several reasons. One, I’ve always admired him even though I’m not a big golf fan. Reason two for not writing about his troubles is because everyone has been piling on Tiger and how could I get a word in edgewise.

I feel bad for him particularly now since 12 women have come forward admitting to be one of his lovers. As a guy, I can imagine the pressure and temptation he must have endured as these women threw themselves at him, many of them clad in low, low cut blouses. My God, what torture! Few men would have the strength to say “no”. Guys reading this know what I’m talking about, right?

Of course, since I’ve never been a handsome, successful athlete with multimillion dollar endorsements, I can only imagine what it was like for Tiger. Only in my most wildest dreams...I mean my most disgusting nightmares of debauchery could I even try to visualize the misery he suffered at the hands of the 15 or so trollops who have been identified as his “special” friends.

Now it seems all of these tales have derailed his career. His sponsors are abandoning him, and his wife has taken the kids to her family in Sweden for the holidays. Poor Tiger is left with nothing but memories of those moments of forbidden love with the 68 women he has encountered on the golf tours.

I really do feel bad for him and his family. Now he knows the pain that his liaisons with 5482 women have brought down on him and his family. At least he is taking steps to try to heal the wounds. This will take time to accomplish. So for now he will step out of the limelight and have some quiet time with his loved ones...and by loved ones I’m not referring to the 10,898 women he has or will be linked to in the media in the coming days.

Throughout all of the tawdry tales to come out of all this is the general letdown that here, once again, we have a role model knocked down from his pedestal. However, this is only the beginning of the lessons we need to learn.

Lesson one: role models are human. Lesson two: humans stumble. Lesson three: humans are capable of redemption. Lesson four: other humans have the capability to forgive the fallen role model.

Tiger is still young and capable of greater achievements not yet realized. For now, he just needs time.

(Thank you for reading. Dad, it’s been four years and we still miss you. Mom, Don, and I always keep in mind the lessons you taught us as we continue to do good in the world.)


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