A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Countdown to Worst, Worster, Worstest...

Friends, liberals, countrymen, please lend me your eyes! We gather here today to mourn the loss of Keith Olbermann from the nation’s airwaves. We will also question the intelligence of executives at a certain network who are more than willing to cut loose their most talented commentator. We will frame these questions in such a way that is both humorous and, yes, I’ll admit, demeaning to them.

Question One: What do you call a person who has lost ninety-five percent of their intelligence?

Answer: An MSNBC executive!*

Sorry if that first question was a bit cruel, but I have a lot of emotions to work through. Olbermann was, after all, the leading liberal voice in what the opposition deridingly refers to as the “lame stream media”. These opponents believe that the media lean to the left, but let’s think about this.

Seriously, who are the most influential political and social commentators in the (non-print) media today? Answer: Limbaugh, Beck, O’Reilly, Palin, et al. None of these people leans to the left! Ironically, they criticize the media for being left of center, when actually they are far and away the most successful stars of the “lame stream media”.

I realize Olbermann wasn’t the only liberal working the cable channels, but many times it seemed like he was the lone voice of the liberal point of view. Maybe it was just an illusion, but he was certainly outnumbered at least four to one. Or maybe he just seemed all alone because he co-opted Edward R. Murrow’s legendary sign-off, “Good night and good luck”, that he invited comparisons between himself and the broadcasting pioneers of yore.

Question Two: How do you sink a submarine full of MSNBC executives?

Answer: Knock on the hatch!*

Seriously, how dumb are the suits at MSNBC that they would release/fire/show the door to the guy who propelled their ratings past CNN and second only to Fox News? Granted there was that violation of network rules regarding political contributions last November, but I thought all concerned parties had put that regrettable incident behind them. It’s one thing to strive for journalistic integrity, but the ending of Olbermann’s program is corporate suicide!

Question Three: How many MSNBC executives does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Answer: Two. One to screw in the light bulb while the second bends over with their pants down around their ankles, and pleads, “Thank you, Comcast! May I have another?”

Okay, I think I finally have it out of my system.

Olbermann’s fans are taking some consolation that the separation was a mutual decision that had nothing to do with MSNBC’s parent company being taken over by Comcast earlier in the week. Comcast, a media conglomerate that is a heavy contributor to Republican candidates might have seen Olbermann’s commentary as a conflict of interest. The network has vigorously — perhaps over vigorously — denied that the merger with Comcast had anything to do with Olbermann’s termination.

In any event, it’s still too early to tell what really happened behind the scenes. For now, Edward R. Murrow’s heir apparent has been silenced, but hopefully he won’t be on hiatus for very long. Many liberals are likely waiting for — nay, eagerly anticipating - a message heralding his return. It could come in the form of an announcement similar to those found at the end of the James Bond films: Olbermann will be back! With that thought in mind, we say “Good day and good luck!”

Okay, one more. A brunette, a redhead, and an MSNBC executive walk into a bar...

*With apologies to Playboy magazine.

(Thank you for reading! Never underestimate the power of mass stupidity in the media!)


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