A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Friday, January 07, 2011

House of Tears

It is now official. The House of Representatives is back in Republican hands, and the new majority is vowing to turn back many of President Obama’s progressive achievements. The 112th Congress started with all of the usual pomp and circumstance, joy and tears. Speaking of tears, we’ll get to newly elected Speaker of the House John Boehner later.

The new majority brings with it a group of fresh faces to the halls of Congress. Naturally, we can’t expect the rookie Congress people to get everything right from the start. We’ll have to cut them some slack and grade their efforts on a learning curve. Sure, they’ll stumble for awhile, but eventually they’ll get used to the way things work inside the Beltway. The day they learn the whys and wherefores of legislating is the day they will stop legislating, because by then it will be time to start campaigning for another term.

Having said that, we should point out that there is a proper way to get laws passed. Oh, it’s way too complicated to detail it here in a nine paragraph blog entry. Suffice to say it involves debating an idea in a bipartisan committee, sending it to the floor of the House, debate it some more, vote on if the idea should be voted on, debate some more, vote on when it will be a good time to vote on the idea, debate some more, then...go home and campaign for the next election cycle.

This process should be reviewed by all of the incoming novice lawmakers, especially former NFL stand out John Runyan, newly elected representative from the Garden State, New Jersey. Please remember, Mr. Runyan, you must follow House rules if you want to get anything done. You can’t just roll a bill up into a ball, hoist it over your head and shout, “Yo, Boehner! Go long!”

We realize that this is another landmark moment in our nation’s history and like other great moments, it will be attended to with great displays of emotion. This is understandable, but come on, let’s restrain our feelings a little bit. Yes, I’m referring to Speaker of the House John Boehner.

The media has noted that Boehner has had a few “sad” episodes since the last election. I don’t know why he’s so sad. Somebody should tell him that his party won.

Boehner even shed a few tears upon his election as Speaker. Outgoing Speaker Nancy Pelosi was losing her job, but she handled the transition with grace and dignity. She didn’t cry! She didn’t lose control of her emotions! No, she kept a stiff upper lip while she handed the gavel to sissy man Boehner, who let the tears roll.

Do you know who should’ve cried, who earned the right to cry, but didn’t? Edward Kennedy! Let’s look at the facts: he served something like a gajillion terms in the Senate, all the while working to get universal health care for all Americans. Yet, no matter how hard he worked, his endeavors were ultimately in vain. Just think of the frustration he felt year after year, term after term! Yet, did he cry? Hell, no! Congress finally passed health care reform...after Teddy Kennedy died!

Someone should arrange for Tom Hanks to march down the aisle of the House, approach the Speakers chair, grab Boehner by the shoulders and yell at him, “There’s no crying in the House!!!!” Okay, Boehner, I’ll give you something to cry about. The politicians on your side of the aisle want to: repeal health care reform which will lead to millions more uninsured Americans and increase the deficit (according to a report released today by the Congressional Budget Office); repeal Wall Street reform which will bring on more bank abuses like we saw in 2008; and threaten to repeat the government shutdowns experienced during the Clinton administration with their hard-line stance against raising the debt ceiling.

Now there’s something to cry about.

Oh, I could go on how it is really okay for men to show some emotions that are considered less than manly and undignified, but our time grows short. It’s nearly time to start campaigning for 2012...

(Thank you for reading, and stop sniffling!)


Anonymous Janey said...

Perhaps all the excessive tanning has had an effect upon Boehner's tear ducts....

January 7, 2011 at 8:41 AM  

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