A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

A Weekend Apart

My wife and I spent this past weekend apart. She traveled down to Washington to kick some congressional butt, while I remained at home writing nasty e-mails to Rush Limbaugh.

No, just kidding. Anne Marie did go to DC to visit some mutual blogger buddies. I stayed home, mowed the lawn, did the dishes, and fed the cats.

Guess who had the better (read: more fun) weekend? You’re sooooo lucky, Limbaugh!

When Anne Marie is away, I get to eat things that I don’t get to eat very often.  Example: she has an aversion to onion dip; actually she has an aversion to onion anything. Thus, when she is away, I stock up on the French onion dip mix, sour cream, and chips, chips, chips. I know that ridged chips are manufactured specifically for dipping, but I prefer the very crunchy so-called kettle chips. They seem to be just as durable as the “ridges” in the mere seconds it takes for me to dip the chip and raise it to my mouth for consumption and eventual gastronomical annihilation. 

On Saturday night, I acted like my ultimate snack fantasy had come true. Namely, that a tanker truck full of sour cream collides head on with a tractor-trailer filled with onion soup mix in front of my house. 
Onion dip everywhere! Onion dip 20 feet deep! On the street! On my driveway! On the lawn! Onion dip-ageddon! 

We could make this into a mathematical problem; if a tanker full of sour cream going northeast at 30 miles an hour hits a tractor-trailer full of onion soup mix traveling southwest at 45 miles an hour, then how many eight-ounce bags of kettle chips could I get to assist in cleaning up the wreckage?

Answer: zero! I would be unable to get any bags of chips because my street would be closed due to the fact that two huge vehicles decided to merge into one vehicle in front of my house. Sorry, it was a trick question! This proves once again that, when it comes to solving math problems, I wisely chose to major in history. 

Despite the fact that I couldn’t gross Anne Marie out with my onion dip gluttony, we both enjoyed our weekend apart. Anne Marie came back with stories of her adventures with our blogger friends – who happen to be gay - but I’ll let her recount those tales on her blog. I will spill one tidbit which shocked the hell out of me: our blogger friends let it be known that Dupont Circle is no longer the mecca of the DC gay community! The gay scene appears to have shifted east to 14th Street. I knew that the neighborhood was not the same as I remembered (for example, I knew that Childe Harold had closed), but I had no idea that the entire makeup (no pun intended, honest) of the neighborhood had changed!

You may wonder why a heterosexual male spent time in Dupont Circle many years ago. I would go to browse the record stores (Kemp Mill Records), book stores or a combination of used books and record store (Second Story Books), then nosh on some very greasy pizza at Vesuvius Pizza. Vesuvius became a wrap bar years ago and a quick Internet search has advised me that Kemp Mill declared bankruptcy in 2003. 
The days of record and bookstore browsing happened during my bachelor years. Later, Anne Marie and I would have many opportunities to treat ourselves to a day out at the movies or (once) take in a show at the nearby Woolly Mammoth Theater. My point is that in all that time we NEVER ventured into one of the neighborhood bars.

So, sorry, there will be no ribald tales of Dupont Circle days in this blog!

(Thank you for reading! Special thanks to Cubby and Nate for showing my lady a great time! Wait, that didn’t come out right...)


Anonymous Janey, Lover of Onion Dip said...

Dear RTG,

The next time you have a bachelor's weekend, CALL ME! I'll match you chip for chip with the onion dip! I'll even bring along something to stimulate our appetites...!!!! :-)

August 14, 2013 at 9:27 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you Janey for your kind offer. I'll keep it in mind the next time Anne Marie leaves town to go to a drag show!

August 14, 2013 at 7:48 PM  

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