A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Thursday, September 26, 2013

Cruz Hears A Who?

History will record that Texas Senator Ted Cruz (R) took to the floor of the US Senate overnight on September 24, 2013 to speak out against Obamacare. He was engaged in his own filibuster to prevent the Senate from voting on a bill he favored.

Confused yet? Actually, he and everyone else with a brain inside the Beltway knew that a House bill he favored – continuing funding of the government while defunding Obamacare - would not be passed as it was voted on in the House. The Senate would pass the funding part, but not the defunding part. So the best way to defeat this inevitable defeat is to…speak out against your own ideals.

No, this still doesn’t make any sense. Yet he went through with it anyway. 

And we, the American people, had to listen to his strange, crazed rant about Nazi Germany being ignored; a stirring reading of Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham; and God only knows what else that had nothing to do with his goal…on which we’re still not clear. So this is what we had to hear, but what did Ted Cruz hear, see, feel during his 21 hour all-about-me pontificating. He probably endured the following. 

1. The sound of crickets, and I don’t mean Buddy Holly’s backup band.

2. Imagined the sounds of tea party faithful writing checks to his campaign/PAC/pet political project.

3. His stomach growling after several hours of going without nourishment.

4. The sound of urine backing up from his bladder into his kidney as he denied his body the chance to void itself.

5. Heard the creaking of his ankles as they gave way under the weight of his self-centered ego.

6. The groans from members of his own party as they envision the GOP fading further and further from relevance.

7. The sensation of his kidneys dissolving in its own uric acid, which must have reached flood stage at some point.

8. A small voice of reason inside his head shouting, “WTF, Ted?” (Admittedly this one is a stretch.)

9. Mitch McConnell shouting to him, “Hey, I’m going to get in a round of golf with Harry Reid.  Would you mind turning off the lights when you’re done, Ted?”

Ah, Washington! Where would we be without them? 

(Thank you for reading. Try the green eggs and ham again, Ted. They may be good with ketchup!)


Blogger Bob said...

And many in the GOP see the likes of Cruz and Paul as their future.
Goddess help them.

September 26, 2013 at 8:41 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Hi Bob, thanks for the comment. Somebody, anybody help us all if this man gets support for the White House!

September 26, 2013 at 7:28 PM  
Blogger David Jeffreys said...

Did our Founding Fathers make a mistake somewhere that allows Cruz and his fellow traitors hold up the business of government? I am in favor of a new republic where reason and compromise exist.

September 26, 2013 at 10:08 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thanks for the comment, David. Unfortunately reason, compromise and common sense are immune to legislation.

September 28, 2013 at 3:57 PM  
Blogger Harpers Keeper said...

I was personally disappointed in Cruz. It was all over the news that he'd vowed to "talk until I can't stand". I thought; "Cool, I can't stand you now so you must be done." Teabilly kept right on talking.

October 2, 2013 at 1:19 AM  

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