Nine (Lamest) Excuses Not to Vote Today

It’s too cold out!

(What do you expect? It’s November, which means it will be seasonably cold, but not as cold as it could get. That’s why we have winter! Now shaddap and put on a sweater.)

It’s too hot out!

(No, it’s not, it’s November. See above.)

It’s damp and raining!

(Not here in southeastern Pennsylvania. Blue skies, sunshine and seasonably cold! We have no weather related issues today!)

It’s too sunny!

(You really are hopeless, aren’t you? So you’ll have to go inside for five minutes to achieve representational government nirvana! Close the curtain, pull the lever, then go outside and frolic in the nude for all I care. Oh, but put on a sweater. It’s seasonably cold, you know!)

The lines are too long!

(Oh, puleeeze!!!! True democracy can be inconvenient at times, but it beats dictatorships by a country mile! Hell, if I can forget my aching back for five minutes to stand in line, then you should be able to give up the few extra minutes to do your civic duty.)

It’s too Republican out there!

(Okay, now you may have a valid point. I know the constant waves of cynicism has worn us down, but our vote — no matter which way you vote — is a statement against the old world ways of politics as usual.)

It’s too Democrat out there!

(In the interest of being fair and balanced: okay I get the equal perception that all everyone wants to do is get a free hand out from the guvmint, and what better way to perpetuate our freeloading ways then to vote for the liberals who will give it all to us. Never mind that many people are on welfare simply because they believe that as human beings they are entitled to the opportunity to survive even as they perceive that the system has turned its back on them. Ah, but humanitarian efforts somehow do not fit into the conservative sound bites that those less fortunate are just taking advantage of the rest of us.)

I don’t feel like voting!

(Leave this country now and find a society that is more in tune with your “feelings.”)

There are so many people voting that my vote won’t make a difference!

(Okay, watch the musical 1776 and see how votes DO count. There, generations of Africans were doomed to enslavement because of a compromise that had to be worked out in colonial Philadelphia. John Adams wanted Thomas Jefferson’s words “all men are created equal” to include the enslaved individuals in the agricultural economy of the southern colonies. The south would not go along with it and vowed to vote against independence from England if the words weren’t stricken from the document. The compromise was done. This left William Daniels as Adams to utter the eloquent demand, “…you have your slavery, little good may it do you, now VOTE, damn you!”)

(Thank you for voting.)