Letter of Addiction

Dear Mr. President:

Thank you so much for bringing our addiction to oil to our attention. Garsh, we can’t get anything past you, can we? Did you figure this out all by yourself, or did your handler Karl Rove help you? No matter, the point now is our dirty little secret is out in the open.

To tell the truth, we didn’t realize that we had a problem with oil until you brought it up. You see, we’ve been so caught up with our obsession with fatty fried food from McDonald’s, our withdrawal from Starbucks House Blend, and our dependency on Wal-Mart that we didn’t give a second thought to our oil habit. We always thought that it was our God-given right to plunder the earth’s resources just so we could keep our millions of SUVs full of billions and billions of gallons of gasoline. Now, alas, you’ve shown us the error of our ways.

We now know that someday in the future we will have to wean ourselves off oil and learn to use the alternative fuels about which you spoke. We realize you’ll need time to research and develop these fuels…hey, have you thought about using those researchers that have been warning us about global warming? They can’t be doing much at the moment since you told them (and us) that global warming doesn’t exist. They sure should be grateful to get the opportunity to work again if you put them on your alternative fuels project.

Well, we’ll let you get back to your agenda of making the world safe and profitable for your rich oil industry friends. Thank you again!

Write when you get work!

Sincerely,
The American People