Short Notes – January 2008
OPRAH TO GET HER OWN TELEVISION NETWORK
Talk show host and producer/book club promoter/restaurant owner/school builder Oprah Winfrey will become a media mogul soon when she gets her own television network.
Why doesn’t she just run for God and get it over with?
MONKEYS PAY FOR SEX
A recent study showed that male macaque monkeys in Indonesia pay for sexual favors by grooming the female of the species.
Great! Capitalism is alive and well in the primate world! What would Darwin say?
Guys, we have finally found a foolproof method to get lucky on a Saturday night! All we have to do is offer to pick tics out of the hair of our wives/girlfriends/lovers/significant others and they’ll do the wild thing with us. If this method works for any guy reading this, please let me know. I’m quite anxious to find out if there are any women dumb enough to fall for such a trick. I suspect that not many women are this stupid. I tried it with my wife and I can say this: Anne Marie is not a dummy!
MIDDLE EAST PEOPLE SKEPTICAL OF BUSH’S PEACE OVERTURES
President Bush recently completed his first trip to the middle east to bring peace to the region. He called upon leaders of all countries in the vicinity to work towards the creation of a Palestinian state before he leaves office.
Okay, we realize that your conflict with each other is older than the United States itself, but enough is enough! We send over our main man to bring peace and democracy to your area of the world, and you all but laugh in his face! How could you do this and make him look so foolish? He really doesn’t need you people living in the middle east to make him look like an idiot; he can do it all by himself! Wait, that didn’t come out right...no, on second thought, it did come out right.
Please understand he’s working on a deadline, which by my calculations is twelve months, two days, and twenty-three hours...but who’s counting? I know he had plenty of opportunity to do this sort of thing during the first six years, one month, and twenty-eight days of his term, but that just shows how much extraordinary patience this man has had with your situation.
Come on now, talk things out and resolve your differences. Our man Bush is not used to such resistance. He’s used to giving orders and watching people jump! If you don’t do it for our president, then maybe you’ll do it for someone who is even more powerful than George W. Bush.
Don’t make us send Oprah.
Talk show host and producer/book club promoter/restaurant owner/school builder Oprah Winfrey will become a media mogul soon when she gets her own television network.
Why doesn’t she just run for God and get it over with?
MONKEYS PAY FOR SEX
A recent study showed that male macaque monkeys in Indonesia pay for sexual favors by grooming the female of the species.
Great! Capitalism is alive and well in the primate world! What would Darwin say?
Guys, we have finally found a foolproof method to get lucky on a Saturday night! All we have to do is offer to pick tics out of the hair of our wives/girlfriends/lovers/significant others and they’ll do the wild thing with us. If this method works for any guy reading this, please let me know. I’m quite anxious to find out if there are any women dumb enough to fall for such a trick. I suspect that not many women are this stupid. I tried it with my wife and I can say this: Anne Marie is not a dummy!
MIDDLE EAST PEOPLE SKEPTICAL OF BUSH’S PEACE OVERTURES
President Bush recently completed his first trip to the middle east to bring peace to the region. He called upon leaders of all countries in the vicinity to work towards the creation of a Palestinian state before he leaves office.
Okay, we realize that your conflict with each other is older than the United States itself, but enough is enough! We send over our main man to bring peace and democracy to your area of the world, and you all but laugh in his face! How could you do this and make him look so foolish? He really doesn’t need you people living in the middle east to make him look like an idiot; he can do it all by himself! Wait, that didn’t come out right...no, on second thought, it did come out right.
Please understand he’s working on a deadline, which by my calculations is twelve months, two days, and twenty-three hours...but who’s counting? I know he had plenty of opportunity to do this sort of thing during the first six years, one month, and twenty-eight days of his term, but that just shows how much extraordinary patience this man has had with your situation.
Come on now, talk things out and resolve your differences. Our man Bush is not used to such resistance. He’s used to giving orders and watching people jump! If you don’t do it for our president, then maybe you’ll do it for someone who is even more powerful than George W. Bush.
Don’t make us send Oprah.
posted by todd gunther | 6:22 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home