Short Notes – April 2009

President Obama signs legislation to raise the federal tax on cigarettes, $.62. News reports claimed that this was the largest tax hike on cigarette sales ever.

This is definitely a win-win for America. Proceeds from the tax will fund medical insurance for uninsured children. On the other hand, the additional cost to the smoking habit may be too much for many smokers. In this respect, the tax could also be another incentive for smokers to quit.

Now here is an example of an authority figure approving restrictions that will also affect him. Obama is a smoker who has been trying to quit. It probably wasn’t very easy for him to sign this legislation knowing it would hit his wallet too. As another recent Democrat residing in the White House might have put it, “I feel your pain”. (You remember?)

Of course Obama might take advantage of a loophole. He could very easily pull rank on anyone on his White House staff and bum a cigarette off them. Think about it: would you say no to the President of the United States?

Naw, I don’t see this happening. Just by signing this legislation, Obama has shown he’s willing to do the right thing, even if it could hurt him personally. I wish him and all the other smokers in America luck with kicking this habit.

African court denies singing icon Madonna permission to adopt another child from Malawi. The celebrity wanted another child to keep her previous adopted offspring company. Unfortunately, the court ruled in favor of the country’s residency requirements.

Okay, Madge, here are some possible solutions to get around the court.

1. Move to Africa and satisfy their requirements so you can adopt free and clear. Unfortunately, you won’t be setting a trend of American singers moving to impoverished countries for one reason or another. That honor would probably go to Stevie Wonder.

2. If option one is too inconvenient, then how about offering the court the profits from your next tour. Okay, so this solution isn’t entirely ethical, but it would um...okay, I just realized that this solution is entirely indefensible. Just forget I mentioned it.

3. Offer to buy a baby from octomom, Nadia Suleman; I’ve heard that she has a few to spare. (Anyone want to take bets on how long until one of these kids shows up on E-bay? Oh, right. E-bay doesn’t sell people. Just forget I mentioned this one, too.)

4. Ask Demi Moore if her toddler, Ashton Kutcher, can come over to play. This way your new child could have a companion and, when he lays down to take a nap, then you could “play” with him too. Just don’t tell Demi...