A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Monday, November 09, 2009

Meanwhile, Somewhere Over Minnesota...or Wisconsin...or...

By now, we are all familiar with the story of the two pilots flying an airbus from San Diego to Minneapolis and how they overshot the airport by 150 miles. (!!!!) Since the incident happened a few weeks ago, the FAA has seen fit to revoke their licenses. As this is being written, the pilots are still employed by Northwest Airlines.

What actually happened in the cockpit that so distracted them? Lord only knows, and we’ll probably never hear a blow-by-blow description. Still, that won’t stop us from speculating...

THE SCENE: a cockpit of a jet airliner flying somewhere over the north central United States.

Co-Pilot: ...then click on schedule, then enter the date. Yeah, like that.

Pilot: Oh, I see. Hey, thanks for helping me with these flight schedules on my laptop.

Co-Pilot: No problem! It certainly killed some time on this flight. Hey, is it my imagination or is this flight lasting like forever?

Pilot: No, I don’t think...oh, wow! Look at the time! We should’ve heard something from the Twin Cities by now. Actually...we should be somewhere over Wisconsin by now.

Co-Pilot: No! Really? Hey, if we are over Wisconsin, I know this great little restaurant in Osseo. The Norske Nook! They have sour cream raisin pie to die for!

Pilot: Osseo, huh? Do they have an airport?

Co-Pilot: Nah, they’re barely big enough for an airstrip. But, hey, it’s Wisconsin! A lot of low, rolling hills...we could land anywhere.

Pilot: Um hmm. east of Minnesota, isn’t it?

Co-Pilot: No, it’s west of Minnesota.

Pilot: Are you sure?

Co-Pilot: Yeah, South Dakota, Wisconsin, then Minnesota.

Pilot: Oh, okay. (long pause) Didn’t you tell me one time that you flunked geography?

Co-Pilot: Ohhhh, yeah. That’s right. Not my strongest subject...that and aviation metallurgy.

Pilot: Yeah, well, we should at least be somewhere around Minneapolis. At least, Eden Prairie...or maybe Circle Pines...

Co-Pilot: Oh my God! I don’t believe I just saw that...

Pilot: Saw what?

Co-Pilot: Um, the Sears Tower.

Pilot: The Sears Tower? When did they move the Sears Tower to Eden Prairie?

Co-Pilot: Well, I think the building is under new management...

Pilot: Oh, I just realized something! I turned the radio off when we started working on our laptops.

Co-Pilot: Well, no wonder we haven’t heard from Minneapolis!

Pilot: Let me switch it on...

(Chatter and static. A female voice is heard.)

Flight Attendant: Hey, guys! Are you okay? We seemed to have overshot our scheduled landing.

Pilot: Yes, Judy, we’re just realizing that.

Flight Attendant: The passengers and I have one question for you. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING UP THERE?

(Thank you for reading! Please remember Amtrak is the safest way to fly!)


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