Christmas Gift Suggestions for Santa - 2009
It’s time once again for our annual list of gift suggestions for Santa to bring for some of our favorite people who have entertained and/or otherwise amused us with their antics during the past year.
Tiger Woods...a nice, quiet round of golf with just him and his closest buds, all men. No girls allowed!
Sarah Palin...a job! The most ideal position for her should be humbling, low-paying, with no benefits so that she can empathize with the lives of many everyday Americans who have paid dearly for her memoirs. I know, she could be a greeter at WalMart! You betcha!
GOP members of Congress...all other positions available at WalMart, for the same reasons listed above.
Jon Goselin...now that Kate has gotten the house and the kids, he is free to do whatever he wants for the holidays. We suggest that Tiger send over some of his mistresses; he has more than enough to share.
Glenn Beck...a copy of Mein Kampf autographed by the author, provided he doesn’t already own a copy.
Lou Dobbs...an all expenses paid trip to Mexico! Yay! He will be transported in the back of a spacious United Van Lines trailer to a remote part of Baja California, dumped along the side of the road, and pointed in the general direction of the United States border!
John McCain...in the spirit of bipartisanship which he promised to President Obama in January, we suggest that Santa pay all medical, surgical and rehab expenses to repair Senator McCain’s forked tongue.
Balloon boy and his siblings...to spend a holiday with two adult role models who will not exploit them for the chance at fame and fortune. Their two real parents may well be spending Christmas in jail, so this might be a good chance for the boys to bond with loving adults concerned about their welfare.
Senate pages...big, fat bonuses which they earned by being forced to read the health care reform bill into the Congressional record in the GOP’s attempt to filibuster affordable health care for all Americans into oblivion!
President Obama...now that his health care reform deadline will most likely not be met, we hope Santa grants him better luck with his domestic agenda in 2010.
(Thank you for reading! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to one and all!!!!!)
Tiger Woods...a nice, quiet round of golf with just him and his closest buds, all men. No girls allowed!
Sarah Palin...a job! The most ideal position for her should be humbling, low-paying, with no benefits so that she can empathize with the lives of many everyday Americans who have paid dearly for her memoirs. I know, she could be a greeter at WalMart! You betcha!
GOP members of Congress...all other positions available at WalMart, for the same reasons listed above.
Jon Goselin...now that Kate has gotten the house and the kids, he is free to do whatever he wants for the holidays. We suggest that Tiger send over some of his mistresses; he has more than enough to share.
Glenn Beck...a copy of Mein Kampf autographed by the author, provided he doesn’t already own a copy.
Lou Dobbs...an all expenses paid trip to Mexico! Yay! He will be transported in the back of a spacious United Van Lines trailer to a remote part of Baja California, dumped along the side of the road, and pointed in the general direction of the United States border!
John McCain...in the spirit of bipartisanship which he promised to President Obama in January, we suggest that Santa pay all medical, surgical and rehab expenses to repair Senator McCain’s forked tongue.
Balloon boy and his siblings...to spend a holiday with two adult role models who will not exploit them for the chance at fame and fortune. Their two real parents may well be spending Christmas in jail, so this might be a good chance for the boys to bond with loving adults concerned about their welfare.
Senate pages...big, fat bonuses which they earned by being forced to read the health care reform bill into the Congressional record in the GOP’s attempt to filibuster affordable health care for all Americans into oblivion!
President Obama...now that his health care reform deadline will most likely not be met, we hope Santa grants him better luck with his domestic agenda in 2010.
(Thank you for reading! Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to one and all!!!!!)
posted by todd gunther | 6:54 AM
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