A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Friday, January 15, 2010

My Last Christmas Gift

At my house, we normally exchange three to four gifts. That’s one gift between each of us, one gift from each of the cats, and one from me and the cats to Anne Marie and vice versa. This year I did receive three gifts, but one had to be returned. So technically Santa still owes me a gift...until this week. I consider the announcement that Sarah Palin has joined Faux News as a commentator my final Christmas gift for the season.

I don’t consider this a gift just to me, but also to the entire liberal blogosphere! Think of it! She’ll appear on national television with her “you-betcha-by-golly-wink-wink” maverick analysis of news events, and we in the blog world will (rip her to) offer a series of thoughtful insights to her (whack job) vision for this great nation of ours!

Of course this will give everyone — conservatives and liberals, Republicans and Democrats, Tiger and Mrs. Woods — the chance to engage in thoughtful, meaningful dialogue on issues that confront all of us everyday. This is the opportunity that America has been waiting for, nay, lamenting for during the last few election cycles. We shall finally have the civil discourse that is the cornerstone of any evolving, practicing democracy.

Ha, ha, ha! Who the hell am I kidding? We liberals will eat her alive!

This makes me feel so giddy inside. The prospect of writing (vicious personal attacks) carefully crafted counterpoints to her plans for this country is just wonderful beyond words. This reminds me of that scene in Animal House when a young boy suddenly finds a college coed dressed as a Playboy bunny in his bed. It makes me want to show my gratitude to the Almighty and shout out, “Thank you, God!”

I must confess something now to the entire World Wide Web...I love Sarah Palin! Let me make this point very clear: I love her and I love her for all the wrong reasons! Yay, Sarah! Wheeeeeeeee...

(EDITOR'S NOTE: We must suspend the remainder of Mr. Gunther’s blog entry for today. It was at this point that Mr. Gunther got so exuberant at the prospect of Sarah Palin appearing regularly on national television that he lost all control of himself. Specifically, he began giggling hysterically, stripped off all his clothes, ran out his back door, and cavorted in the neighbor’s field behind his house.

Our initial attempts to subdue him failed, but finally we convinced him to come back in the house. We did this by reminding him that Palin's appearance on Faux News could conceivably widen her appeal, and establish a platform from which she will realize her ultimate goal: occupying the White House in 2012.

At this point, Mr. Gunther became morose, returned to the house, and was back to his normal moody self in no time at all. We realize that this action was a bit drastic, but we believe it was better to do this than expose the neighbors to the sight of Mr. Gunther’s chubby, naked physique.)

I wonder if I could talk Sarah Palin into a threesome with me and Ann Coulter? Hmmm...

(Thank you for reading. Please remember editors always know best!)


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