A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Thursday, April 15, 2010

You’re Not Old Quiz

At one point in the past year, I heard one of my co-workers try to excuse a mistake she made at a meeting by pleading that she was getting old. I beg to differ. I believe that this particular co-worker is — give or take a few years — at least a decade younger than me. In any event, the incident inspired me to concoct the following You’re Not Old Quiz! This is mainly a history quiz about American culture in the 1960s. Try it! It’s fun and, sorry, there’s no prize...other than the knowledge you may not be as old as you think.

1. Cyclamates were...

a. An acid rock band from southern California
b. An artificial sweetener
c. A squad of scantily-clad women promoting the Tour de France
d. An early computer term

2. In a highly publicized, nationally televised wedding ceremony, this couple deserted each other at the altar:

a. Tiny Tim and Miss Vicky
b. Maxwell Smart and Agent 99
c. Gladys and Tyrone
d. David Eisenhower and Julie Nixon

3. This comedy/singing team found themselves unemployed when CBS canceled their variety show:

a. Stiller and Meara
b. The Smothers Brothers
c. The Ace Trucking Company
d. Burns and Schreiber

4. He was a big hit with boys when they found him under their Christmas tree in 1965. Who was he?

a. Mr. Potato Head
b. Marvel the Mustang
c. G.I. Joe
d. Ken

5. In their top forty hit Back When My Hair Was Short, Gunhill Road sang the words, Slicked my D.A. for the dance. Define D.A. Was it...

a. A brand of sneaker
b. A haircut
c. A dance move
d. A roadster coupe

Bonus Question:

Do you remember Vietnam? (Hearing about it in a high school history class years after the fact doesn’t count; sorry!)

A. Yes (add one point)
B. No (add zero points)
C. Yes, in fact I was there! (add twenty points)
D. What’s Vietnam? (subtract twenty points)


1. b – a sweetener found in diet soft drinks that was banned because it was found to cause cancer in rats.

Which reminds me - why do we use these critters for scientific research anyway? Everything that has been found to be bad for humans is usually traced back to tests performed on these rodents. This proves to me that they are undependable — health-wise — to be subjects of medical experiments. I’m thinking that, when not employed by the leading pharmaceutical manufacturers, the common rat will spend its days sitting on the couch, scarfing down cyclamate laden junk food and watching reality television. And we’re constantly modifying our lifestyles to conform to theirs?????

2. c – the elderly couple featured on Rowan and Martin’s Laugh-In played by Ruth Buzzi and Arte Johnson. A typical Gladys and Tyrone sketch had Gladys sitting on a park bench being accosted by the dirty-minded Tyrone. After making a lewd suggestion (i.e., “Wanna go on the swings?”) she would beat him into unconsciousness with her purse. Yes, this was the height of American television comedy in 1967!

3. b

4. c

5. b – D.A. is the acronym for this hairstyle because it resembled the rear of a duck, or duck’s ass.

SCORE: (One point for each correct answer)

6 - 25 POINTS – Congratulations! You have an excellent memory...for an old person.

1 - 5 POINTS – You’re knowledgeable about mundane trivia, but you’re obviously young at heart.

0 OR BELOW POINTS - Congratulations! You’re not old!

(Thank you for reading. Please remember the past isn’t always what’s it cracked up to be!)


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