The Cookie Fairy

News item: While speaking at a benefit for a Christian school in Bucks County, Tea Party Princess Sarah Palin noted that the state of Pennsylvania is proposing to restrict sugar intake by public school students. Palin used this as another example of big government intruding on the private lives of the average American. With this in mind, the following scene could happen in a Pennsylvania school in the near future...

(School bell rings while students enter Mrs. Hebert’s classroom.)

Mrs. Hebert: Okay, kids, settle down. I have some bad news today. We won’t be able to have cupcakes like I planned for Anne Marie’s birthday today.

Class: Awww!

John: Why is that, Mrs. Hebert?

Mrs. Hebert: New state regulations don’t allow us to give you food with too much sugar. They say it’s not good for your health, and they do have a point.

John: Aww, what do they know is good and isn’t good for us?

(The door flies open and a woman in a glitter dress and a tiara, holding a tray of cookies, enters.)

Sarah Palin: Hi kids! I have heard your groans of disappointment and I have come to rescue you from the evils of big government!

Mrs. Hebert: Who are you?

Palin: I am the cookie fairy! And I am here to give these good boys and girls all the sugar-laden goodies that their parents would want them to have!

Sally: Do any of the cookies have raisins? I can’t stand raisins!

Terry: Hey, Sally! Watch what I can do with these raisins! I can shove them up my nose and...

Sally: Ewwwwww!

John: Ha ha! That’s funny, Terry!

Anne Marie: Thank you, Cookie Fairy! But I’m lactose intolerant!

Sally: And I can only eat gluten-free foods!

Terry: And I’m borderline...

Palin: Enough, children! Eat your cookies! Before Obama takes them away from you!

(The door opens again. Two men in suits enter.)

Agent: Okay, Cookie Fairy! Come with us! We have the school surrounded and we’ve already confiscated your Magical Flying Moose.

Palin: Who are you?

Agent: We’re from the Pennsylvania Department of Health and we have a warrant for your arrest!

Palin: Curses and taxes! I am trapped!

(The window blows open from a mighty gust of wind.)

Class: Oohhh...

Palin: Christine O’Donnell!

O’Donnell: Yes, I’ll save you Cookie Fairy! Hop on the back of my broomstick and we’ll fly out of this oppressive socialist atmosphere!

Palin: Goodbye children! Remember...eat your sweets!

Agent: Stop them!

(Too late! O’Donnell and Palin fly out the window.)

Mrs. Hebert: Thank dog she’s gone! Let me have those cookies, children. If you eat them you’ll be bouncing off the walls from overdosing on all this sugar!

Class: Awww!

(Thank you for reading. Please remember to beware of biased sound bites from fly-by-night political wannabes!)