A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Random Swings Between Tranquility and Apoplexy

Okay, let’s all take a deep breath. Let’s remember we are all on this earth together as one big, admittedly not always happy, family, but many of us are still learning to get along and respect each others beliefs and cultures and...EFF IT!

You damn tea partiers! You’re destroying all of us just to make one man look bad! For a group that professes to be mostly Christians, you are incredibly selfish!

No, sorry! That outburst was wrong and not very civil. I must remember what my father taught me. He would say, “If you can’t say anything nice, then...say it on EFFN FOX NEWS!!!!”

Sorry, Dad!

You pushed your Republican leaders to stand so firm on no taxes that they were forced to accept a half-ass compromise on the debt ceiling that has been sinking markets all over the world ever since. Look at the stock market yesterday! Dooowwwnnnn over 630 points! Down, as in the opposite of up! Down as in very, very bad!

No, I must get a hold of myself. After all, these are just human beings who mean well and want their very best to make EFFN LIVING HELL FOR THE REST OF US!!!!

You’re destroying our retirement savings! We won’t have anything left to live on just because you want to make Obama a one-termer. My poor wife will be forced to continue working making little instruments that measures stress in glass and plastic products until her fingers cramp up permanently, and her knuckles get all gnarly, and she won’t be able to knit anymore, all because her 401(k) was wiped out by the great Tea Party of 2011!

Okay, I need to take a few more deep breaths. I must control these urges to verbally assault people who are, after all, fellow Americans who like me are hard-working, dedicated to making a better life for all. They are nothing less than freedom worshipping...FEAR MONGERS WHO SEE COMMUNISTS UNDER EVERY EFFN ROCK!

Everyone, let’s welcome back Joseph McCarthy! Let’s dive right into the mud-soaked pool of fear and paranoia! Come on, let’s roll around in it until all of the pores in our bodies are unable to breath in the life-sustaining oxygen of faith and understanding, and our eyes are so caked over with grime and dirt that we can’t see anyone else's point of view except yours. And your point of view is the only point of view, period. Am I right, tea partiers?

Now I must calm down. I should lie back in my Lazy Boy, eyes closed with my cat Steven snuggled comfortably in my lap, and perhaps sipping a nice warm cup of...TEA!


(Thank you for reading. Coffee, anyone?)


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