arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Snort Notes – June 2012


ELECTION OF MUSLIM BROTHERHOOD CANDIDATE MOHAMMED MORSI AS EGYPT'S NEW PRESIDENT HAILED AS A STEP FORWARD FOR DEMOCRACY IN THE MIDEAST

Imagine that it was little over a year ago when Egyptians stood united in their opposition to the dictatorship of Hosni Mubarak. Now the citizens of Egypt are enjoying the fruits of their struggle for liberty, as they celebrate the conclusion of their first national election of a leader.

Democracy in Egypt! Isn’t it wonderful?

Ah, but what a year a difference a year makes! One year ago, Egyptians were united; now democracy has allowed political and cultural differences to rise up and divide them into bitter opposition. Also, the winning party may or may not be as progressive as first thought. The Muslim Brotherhood has made some overtures to reach out to the secular side of Egyptian society. Many outside observers are skeptical; they believe that the Muslim Brotherhood will turn Egypt into an Islamic autocracy with little tolerance for the rights of other groups such as women and Christians.

Democracy in Egypt! What the hell were we thinking?

The United States is so far being very respectful of the newly installed Egyptian government. The Obama administration has sent their congratulations and wished Morsi the best. Morsi will need all the good vibes he can get. He has a huge task ahead of him to unite the various factions of his countrymen, not least of which is the military that has ruled the country since Mubarak fell, and mocked the legitimacy of his victory by stalling the announcement of his election for nearly a week after the voting ended.

So, is there a reason to question the election results? Well, there may be one point that stands out in stark contrast to a typical national election in the biggest democracy in the world, namely the USA: length of the presidential campaign. In America, the campaign for president can last anywhere from 12 to 48 months. It’s true: pundits are already speculating who will run for president in 2016, and we still have five months to go for the 2012 election!

Meanwhile the Egyptians started and finished their campaign in two months. Two months! Imagine! In America, two months is hardly enough time for the League of Women Voters to schedule the debates between the candidates! Two months is barely enough time for one of the Koch Brothers checks to clear a superPAC bank account! Two months is just too fast!

So, we in the rest of the world can only wait and see what Egyptian democracy will bring.

SUMMER MOVIE SEASON PROMISES A VARIETY OF ENTERTAINMENT SELECTIONS, FROM ANIMATED ZOO ANIMALS CAVORTING IN EUROPE TO ICONIC AMERICAN LEADERS HUNTING VAMPIRES

Okay, maybe I should give the idea behind Abraham Lincoln, Vampire Hunter a chance. Either it’s stroke of genius which could lead to a profitable film franchise (i.e., sequels), or further proof that the brown acid they warned us about at Woodstock is still available and still very potent. Where could this lead?
 
How about a series featuring FDR in a revival of the Ironside franchise (1970s Raymond Burr television series about a detective paralyzed by a gunshot and solving crime from his wheelchair)? Or what about JFK as a WWII-era PT boat commander by day, South Pacific zombie hunter by night? Or Ronald Reagan playing Jesus Christ, or would the Ronald Reagan Legacy Project insist that he be portrayed as someone who is bigger than Jesus Christ? The mind reels at the possibilities…or not.

MAN WITH 100 POUND SCROTUM REFUSES OFFER OF MILLION DOLLAR OPERATION WHICH WOULD ALLEVIATE HIS CONDITION IN EXCHANGE FOR EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW RIGHTS WITH THE TELEVISION MEDICAL TALK SHOW HOST DR. OZ

Wesley Warren has a rare condition — scrotal gigantical, or something like that — which results in a huge gonad sac between his legs. Early reports stated that Warren turned down the offer because he liked the notoriety his growth gave him; Warren has since denied this as his reason for refusing the operation. He does fear dying during the procedure. Granted, a valid concern for a procedure that probably isn’t very common, but let’s consider his quality of life.

He can’t hold down a job; indeed, how does he get around? Can he even walk, or do any sort of movement at all to do the simplest of tasks? Then what about this notoriety that was hinted about on his case? It’s not like his situation is a chick magnet. Yes, it’s huge, but ladies (and a point that bears repeating) he can’t hold down a job!

Get it cut and improve your life, Mr. Warren.

And now from the silly to the serious…

RELUCTANT CIVIL RIGHTS FIGURE RODNEY KING DIES

The amateur video footage of Rodney King kneeling on the ground as LA cops savagely beat him became a world-wide sensation and a condemnation of American racism. At first, the video (edited by news organizations to heighten King’s victimization) seemed to portray a recalcitrant suspect not obeying orders from a group of police officers who allowed their adrenaline to take over their professionalism. Only later did inter-departmental recordings - in which one of the officers used the “n” word with impunity - cast the whole affair as racist in nature.

Let’s be fair: King was no angel, having multiple run-ins with the law, mostly for public drunkenness. Still, that was no excuse for the beating recorded on tape, or for the officer’s acquittal which led to race rioting that eventually killed 55 people. There was no excuse for any of this to happen.

In the midst of the tensions, King himself had the best solution to all of the mayhem when he said, “Can we all just get along?” Since then, King still had his troubles, but he began a journey of redemption complete with a high profile appearance on a celebrity rehab television show. His redemption was cut short by his death in his own swimming pool on June 17.

Still, his words should haunt all of us as we should strive to make the world around us more tolerant: “Can we all just get along?” From your lips to God’s ears, Rodney; rest in peace.

(Thank you for reading.)

1 Comments:

Anonymous Janey said...

Where can I get some of the brown acid and then see the 100 pound scrotum? :-)

June 27, 2012 at 6:57 AM  

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