Snort Bites – September 2013
NEW HYBRID RIPENS TOMATOES AND POTATOES ON THE SAME PLANT
News was
received this week from Great Britain that a new plant is available which grows
tomatoes on top and potatoes at the bottom of the same plant. Both fruit and tuber ripen at the same time! What hath botany wrought?
Now the next
step: get the plant to dip its roots into a deep fryer and drop the tomatoes
into a processor to mix up a batch of ketchup at the same time. French fries with ketchup produced instantly
from plant to plate in a matter of seconds. Imagine whole families watching this show as they munch their
McSandwiches!
Botanists of
the world: you have your work cut out
for you!
BASEBALL
SEASON ENDS: PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES NOT IN THE POST SEASON FOR THE FIRST TIME
SINCE 2006
The Phillies lost their final games of the season to the division title-winning Atlanta Braves (ouch), and ended up in fourth place, one season after having their all time best season in team history. WTF?
The Phillies lost their final games of the season to the division title-winning Atlanta Braves (ouch), and ended up in fourth place, one season after having their all time best season in team history. WTF?
The Braves
will go on to the post season, but my team will come home and do whatever the
hell they do with their four month break. The post season teams will go through their motions of the division
series, then the pennant series, followed by the swimsuit competition, before
the preliminary trials, motions by the opposing attorneys, and finally… where
was I? Oh yes, finally, the World Series
may end with any luck in time for opening day in April 2014.
Unless of
course Ted Cruz launches another filibuster; in which case all bets are off.
Suffice to
say our Phillies did not have their best year. The players that took the city to the World Series in 2008 are old and
beat up. We’re in a rebuilding phase. We’re telling ourselves the same thing we’ve
told ourselves for many years: just wait until next year. I have a feeling it may take a little longer
than one year.
HOUSE OF
REPRESENTATIVES VOTE TO CONTINUE FUNDING OF FEDERAL GOVERNMENT BEYOND END OF
THE FISCAL YEAR WITH AMENDMENT TO DEFUND OBAMACARE
Again! Forty-three votes could not repeal
Obamacare, because the Senate will not even entertain the idea of defunding the
President’s signature legislation. The
Party of No can’t take no for an answer! It would be real nice if they had a positive alternative to shutting
down the government, but noooooooo…
Tuesday
morning will dawn and we’ll be closed, world! Thank you, conservative fanatics! Thank you, Tea Party! Thank you
again for bringing this nation to its knees!
Oh, I could
go on and on about the whys and wherefores, but I’m effin’ bored with their shenanigans!
Besides, why
be wordy, when we can commiserate on our situation by showing that great
political philosopher Slim Pickens perform his impression of the Tea Party
conservatives:
(Thank you
for reading and enjoy the shutdown!)
posted by todd gunther | 8:59 AM
7 Comments:
Oy.
That's all I got.
Yes, the government will shut down tonight.
And that's not all . . . these tea party traitors will do it all over again in two weeks, when we run out of money!
Thus we will have a bankrupt government with its employees furloughed with such a poor credit rating that even China won't lend us money.
I think it is time for another tea party in which we throw the tea party overboard (and make sure that each member drowns).
There is a MLB swimsuit competition??? I'll be the judge! :-)
How about I develop a plant that grows both marijuana buds and Fig Newtons?
We have a grafted citrus tree that grows lemons, limes and oranges on the same tree (at different times).
Thanks, Bob! Sometimes one word says it all!
I feel your frustration, David, but we should remember that even these people deserve a shot at (ba-ha-ha-ha-ha) salvation! Ah, i knew I couldn't through that with a straight face!
Go for it, Janey! Your combination reminds me of another memory from the Moonglow: a quick pot of boxed macaroni and cheese to satisfy our munchie craving at 2:30 AM! Was that the same weekend I woke up to find Pigboy sleeping on my chest???
Dear Harpers Keeper, thank you for your factoid. And thank you for publishing your comment on the 123rd anniversary of Groucho Marx's birth! Hello, we must be going....
Pigboy was probably sleeping on your chest because you had macaroni and cheese on your breath! :-)
(Fellow readers: Pigboy was the VERY LARGE cat I had through my years as a teen, college student, and beyond.)
You bitch! :-)
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