arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Snort Bites – October 2013



URUGUAY APPROVES LEGAL SALE OF POT AT LOW PRICES

In recent months, the government of this South American country has taken steps to become the sole seller of marijuana to its citizens. The move is being made to combat the black market. Eyebrows all over the world have been raised at the touted prices for a gram - running anywhere from a dollar to $2.50!

This report prompted me to do some research on our soon to be higher than a kite neighbor to the south. I learned, for example, that Uruguay is one of the more progressive countries south of the equator. There is a total separation of church and state; religious freedom is guaranteed. Abortion was legalized last year; same-sex marriage was legalized this year. (Thanks to Wikipedia for these quick facts!)

Rick Santorum has a vacation home there. No, just kidding…

North American potheads should take note before they march en masse through Mexico and Central America for their own version of eternal nirvana: the government will only sell to the local citizenry. (Sorry, Janey!) Besides, this crowd is probably so high they may not know which direction to march. For the record: travel south for 3500 miles and turn left at Argentina.

Meanwhile…

VENEZUELA CREATES MINISTRY OF SUPREME SOCIAL HAPPINESS

President Nicolas Maduro has created an agency to continue the anti-poverty measures started by the late President Hugo Chavez. Something must be getting lost in the translation when they named this the Ministry of Supreme Social Happiness. It seems that the Venezuelan government wants to build prosperity, which doesn’t necessarily equate with happiness. Just ask the rich capitalists in this country who regularly rack up therapy miles on their psychoanalyst’s couches.

Naturally the blogosphere greeted the news with snarky comments portraying government soldiers encouraging Venezuelans to be happy at gunpoint. Strangely, all of these happiness police officers are portrayed as speaking with a German accent. Go figure!
We here at arteejee will not take such cheap shots here. We will wish Venezuela all the luck in the world in wiping out poverty, ensuring the basic societal and medical needs of their citizens, decreasing their rate of inflation, and overall improving the economic situation for all of its citizens. Failing that, they can always try flying some native Uruguayans in to share their stash with the Venezuelan people.

COURT RULES TEXAS’ NEW ANTI-ABORTION LAW IS UNCONSTITUTIONAL

A federal judge has ruled that Texas’ new anti-abortion law, which would have shut down many clinics in the state, is unconstitutional under federal law. For now, the clinics will stay open while the state government vows to appeal.

Dag nab it! Don’t that beat all? Once again, the federal guvmint is telling the little ole state of Texas what it can and cannot do! Don’t that get cactus needles in your britches? Don’t that twist your spurs around? 

It's events like this that will likely once again resurrect calls for secession from the union. This would be a shame if it were to happen, since Texas has contributed so much to this country. The state has given us two presidents who both got us into wars that later resulted in buyer’s remorse. Also, the good people of Texas voted Ted Cruz to the Senate…

On second thought, I am so tired of their whining!

If you really want to go, Texas, then go! Don’t let the Mexican border hit you in the ass as you leave!

(Thank you for reading. Yes, I know that when you’re looking at a map of South America, Argentina is west of Uruguay and therefore you would turn right, but if you’re traveling south you’re going in the opposite direction from where we normally read a map. No matter, once you go and start smoking, who’s going to know which way is up?)

3 Comments:

Anonymous Janey, Goddess of South America said...

Sooooo... all I need to do is marry a man from Uruguay, and become a citizen there! I have to head 3500 miles south and turn ... which way? :-)

October 30, 2013 at 6:56 AM  
Blogger Nadege said...

You made me laugh this early in the morning! Thank you!

October 30, 2013 at 8:03 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Hi Janey, thanks for sharing your future plans. You should probably travel 3,000 miles, then start sniffing for the pungent haze below the clouds. I'm sure that would be right over Uruguay.

Thank you Nadege! I'm glad you enjoyed this entry.

October 31, 2013 at 7:39 AM  

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