Sunday Morning Post (V.1, #21) - Selling America
Dear Despot
Dictators of the World:
Have you
ever wanted to lead a world-class democracy which has a proven track record of
influencing justice and security for all nations and cultures throughout the
world? Now you have a chance to do just
that!
The 2020
Campaign for US President could be realization of your long-sought dream of
near total global control. The current
administration is making this incredible offer available to all world leaders
with narcissistic ambitions. You can be
part of the team that puts the current administration back in power for another
four years.
Did we say
four years? Why limit ourselves to archaic
traditions of democracy? With an
amendment to the American Constitution, a great favored leader could rule the
US for a lifetime.
But, first
things first. We must secure control of
the United States before we move on to our other ambitions.
It is a very
simple thing for you to help us keep this control. Just send us any information you may have on
any of the President’s political enemies and especially any information on the
200 or so people who have started their campaigns to unseat your favorite
President.
We will use this information
to denigrate/despoil/trash them in front of the American electorate via social
media, political debates and any and all other forums available to us for the purposes
of winning the White House again.
Keep in mind
this idea: dirt works. The dirtier and
sleazier information the better. Have a
photo of Bernie Sanders shaking hands with Leon Trotsky? Send it to us. Have documentation that Elizabeth Warren
aided and abetted the Sioux nation at the Battle of Little Big Horn? Mail it to us c/o Txxxp Tower.
Have you got information linking Joe Biden to the Molly Maguires? E-mail it to us c/o “Junior.” He’ll get it.
Hurry! Don’t delay!
This is a huge opportunity which should not be passed up. *
Also
remember: the less the FBI knows, the better.
Sincerely, your
favorite king of the world
*This offer
is not valid in Mexico, Canada, any Central American countries dumping their caravans
on us, and all the other loser shithole countries. You know who you are.
(Thank you
for reading. I shouldn’t have to emphasize
that the above is a work of satire.
That’s satire, satire, satire!)
posted by todd gunther | 9:31 AM
8 Comments:
That's GREAT satire, satire, satire!
It would be even better to get a photo of Bernie Sanders fucking Leon Trotsky! Now THAT'S good dirt!
He's already talking about sticking around longer than eight years should he win in 2020.
Let's ask for dirt on him.
With the quiet news that the Idiot Jerk's re-election team quietly terminated the leaked the dirt that his numbers show he's struggling in even the reddest of states... he'll leave for Moscow the day after the elections.
Damn it ..now you do know they are a bunch of dumb asses. If they read this they will run with it!!!!! Don't give them any ideas. Tell them to act like the Three Stooges.
Oh wait......
Thank you Deedles. I thought it best to play up that angle lest the authorities take it seriously.
I like how you think, Debra!
Yes, Bob, we may very well find something, anything, that his base finally finds appalling.
That would be a wonderful exile, Dave!
Thank you Maddie, but let's remember the Three Stooges were actors. They knew they were pretending.
You made it to the president's re-election team?! Congratulations on the promotion! WQ must be so proud. Play your cards right and you might end up as White House Press Secretary.
Truth be told Old Lurker I wouldn't be caught dead on the Re-election Team. WQ would disown me. Thank you for playing along.
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