arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, June 16, 2019

Sunday Morning Post (V.1, #21) - Selling America


Dear Despot Dictators of the World:


Have you ever wanted to lead a world-class democracy which has a proven track record of influencing justice and security for all nations and cultures throughout the world?  Now you have a chance to do just that!


The 2020 Campaign for US President could be realization of your long-sought dream of near total global control.   The current administration is making this incredible offer available to all world leaders with narcissistic ambitions.  You can be part of the team that puts the current administration back in power for another four years.


Did we say four years?   Why limit ourselves to archaic traditions of democracy?  With an amendment to the American Constitution, a great favored leader could rule the US for a lifetime.


But, first things first.  We must secure control of the United States before we move on to our other ambitions.


It is a very simple thing for you to help us keep this control.  Just send us any information you may have on any of the President’s political enemies and especially any information on the 200 or so people who have started their campaigns to unseat your favorite President.   

We will use this information to denigrate/despoil/trash them in front of the American electorate via social media, political debates and any and all other forums available to us for the purposes of winning the White House again.


Keep in mind this idea: dirt works.  The dirtier and sleazier information the better.  Have a photo of Bernie Sanders shaking hands with Leon Trotsky?  Send it to us.  Have documentation that Elizabeth Warren aided and abetted the Sioux nation at the Battle of Little Big Horn?  Mail it to us c/o Txxxp Tower.   Have you got information linking Joe Biden to the Molly Maguires?  E-mail it to us c/o “Junior.”  He’ll get it.


Hurry!  Don’t delay!   This is a huge opportunity which should not be passed up. *


Also remember: the less the FBI knows, the better.


Sincerely, your favorite king of the world



*This offer is not valid in Mexico, Canada, any Central American countries dumping their caravans on us, and all the other loser shithole countries.  You know who you are.


(Thank you for reading.  I shouldn’t have to emphasize that the above is a work of satire.   That’s satire, satire, satire!)

8 Comments:

Blogger Deedles said...

That's GREAT satire, satire, satire!

June 16, 2019 at 9:50 AM  
Blogger Debra She Who Seeks said...

It would be even better to get a photo of Bernie Sanders fucking Leon Trotsky! Now THAT'S good dirt!

June 16, 2019 at 11:27 AM  
Blogger Bob said...

He's already talking about sticking around longer than eight years should he win in 2020.
Let's ask for dirt on him.

June 16, 2019 at 2:03 PM  
Blogger Dave R said...

With the quiet news that the Idiot Jerk's re-election team quietly terminated the leaked the dirt that his numbers show he's struggling in even the reddest of states... he'll leave for Moscow the day after the elections.

June 16, 2019 at 3:22 PM  
Blogger Mistress Maddie said...

Damn it ..now you do know they are a bunch of dumb asses. If they read this they will run with it!!!!! Don't give them any ideas. Tell them to act like the Three Stooges.

Oh wait......

June 16, 2019 at 7:37 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Thank you Deedles. I thought it best to play up that angle lest the authorities take it seriously.

I like how you think, Debra!

Yes, Bob, we may very well find something, anything, that his base finally finds appalling.

That would be a wonderful exile, Dave!

Thank you Maddie, but let's remember the Three Stooges were actors. They knew they were pretending.

June 17, 2019 at 8:02 PM  
Anonymous Old Lurker said...

You made it to the president's re-election team?! Congratulations on the promotion! WQ must be so proud. Play your cards right and you might end up as White House Press Secretary.

June 18, 2019 at 12:38 AM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Truth be told Old Lurker I wouldn't be caught dead on the Re-election Team. WQ would disown me. Thank you for playing along.

June 23, 2019 at 4:57 PM  

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