Sunday Morning Post (V.1, #31) - Dear Denmark
We hope this letter finds you all well. I realize you have not heard much from us in
recent years, so let me get right to the point.
We understand
that you recently had a close encounter with one of our American citizens who
made overtures on one of your prized possessions. We realize that his “offer” came out of the
blue and totally unexpected. Regardless,
we feel compelled to offer our humblest of apologies for his outburst.
Please
understand that he is an old man with obvious-to-everyone-around-him serious
mental issues. We don’t know if he was
off his meds when he contacted you. As a
matter of fact, we don’t even know if he is medicated at all. We don’t even know if he has been diagnosed by
a professional trained to treat (and these are our words, mind you) bat shit
crazy old men.
There we
said it! His latest attempt to purchase
Greenland from you was, we freely admit, unwarranted and unprovoked. Many of us here in America are still
scratching our heads wondering what the hell were we thinking when we elected
him President of the United States. After
two years of head scratching, we’re still flummoxed and now afflicted with
extensive scarring on our heads.
Still, at
least he made an offer to purchase your real estate as opposed to someone like
Hitler who would just march in and take over any old piece of land he
coveted. At least our President is not
another Hitler…at least, not yet.
We must also
recognize your Prime Minister’s firm rebuff of our leader’s offer. Many have criticized your leader’s response
as in eloquent and perhaps undiplomatic, but what should our leader have
expected with his crass behavior. In
short, you go girl!
So once
again, please accept our deepest apologies for our leader’s strange ways of
dealing with the world. We are doing our
best to contain him to limit the damage he is doing to the world and…oh,
no! He’s just threatened France with
tariffs on their wines.
We gotta run! Yours in global peace and harmony (seriously)
The United
States of America.
******************
Dear France,
We hope this
letter finds you all well. I realize
you have not heard much from us in recent years, so let me get right to the
point…
(Thank you
for reading. I fear that we may have to
write these letters in triplicate…)
posted by todd gunther | 11:35 AM
8 Comments:
There are people (and I use the term loosely) out there who probably think this is a totally rational idea, and would probably throw Puerto Rico in to sweeten the deal.
Looks like we'll be busy writing A LOT of letters.
You have the best statesman in the world. The best!
I missed this story, so I am confused on the context. Does Glorious Leader want to purchase Greenland because it is melting away, or in spite of it?
Hahahahahaha, good post!
He makes old men look bad, don't he?
They have lovely cheese in Denmark.
Maybe this was a ploy to get Canada blocked in triangular fashion by the U.S.A. from three directions - mainland U.S.A., Alaska and Greenland, as well as by three oceans. Next step, buy Canada itself - and voila! a megalomaniac's dream of owning virtually the entire continent of North America (excepting Mexico, which doesn't really count!)
As for the country of Denmark, I doubt if 'The Chosen One' could even locate it on a map. But don't tell him about the Tivoli Gardens or he'll be angling to building a Trump Tower in the midst of it. As fanciful as the Princess who had a pea in her bed!
Some "people" think it makes sense, Deedles.
We should print a lot of form letters, Bob.
Hi Old Lurker. I don't know; we just woke up one morning to reports that he wanted to buy Greenland to get all of the minerals that are there. In any event he's not the first President to make this offer. Truman--of all people--proposed buying Greenland in the 1950's.
Thank you, Debra.
Hi Dave. yes, he do!
So we should buy Denmark instead, Spo? I agree, good cheese.
Oh, there are all sorts of ulterior motives afoot. Thank you Raybeard.
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