A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Sunday, March 19, 2006

All the News That's Fit to Sell

Rejoice newspaper readers of southeastern Pennsylvania! Our major newspapers, The Philadelphia Inquirer and The Daily News, have been sold by Knight-Ridder to a group called McClatchy. All I can say is "Good riddance" or perhaps, "Good ridderance!"

I have noticed that, while the price of our subscription stayed the same, the product itself got slimmer and slimmer. It's gotten to the point where I expected one of these days to pick up a newspaper kit, instead of a newspaper when I leave my house in the morning.

Yes, K-R Enterprises proudly presents your very own Newspaper Kit! Tired of the same old bad news? Tired of the same old political slant? Then write your own newspaper! For the price of your current subscription we will deliver to your home every morning four sheets of blank pre-folded paper 24" by 22". You can write your own articles, draw pictures and ads, arrange it however you want. Then just sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor. Just think of the fun the entire family will have putting together your own newspaper! Subscribe now! (Red pencils for editing and Crayola Crayons for color ads, photos, and Sunday comics sold separately.)

In recent years, Knight-Ridder has listened more to their stockholders than their readers. This became apparent last year when a large chunk of columnists (read experienced, seasoned, veteran newswriters and gatherers) were offered early retirement as a cost cutting measure. What did they care if the readers liked these writers or what they had to say?

Hopefully, the new owners, whoever they are, will listen more to the customers (read subscribers) than to a bunch of stockholders. I say whoever they are because there are already reports that McClatchy wants to sell off the Philadelphia papers to someone else. Their reason: this market isn't growing! Okay, McClatchy, if you don't like the Philadelphia market, then it's fine with us. Good riddance, or perhaps I should say, "Good McClatchy-ance!"


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