A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Tuesday, October 09, 2007

The National Spelling Bee for Uninsured Children


Rhett Crit: Good evening, everyone, and welcome to the first annual National Spelling Bee for Uninsured Children. Our judges today are Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, and presidential hopefuls Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton and Senator Barack Obama. Our first finalist is Anne Cathers, who has a painful racking cough. Ready, Anne? Your word is “underfunded”.

Anne: (Hack) I’m sorry. Can you use that in a sentence?

Crit: Sure. The Bush Administration has underfunded the SCHIP or State Child Health Insurance Program.

Anne: Okay. (Cough) Underfunded. D-O-M-E-S-T-I-C A-G-E-N-D-A. Underfunded.

Crit: Um, okay, we’ll accept that. Our next finalist is Don Overmeyer, who is suffering from a terrible rash. Don, please spell “scrooge” as used in this sentence: “That scrooge is very tight with his money.”

Don: Hold on. I have to scratch my itch...oh, that’s better. Scrooge, B-U-S-H. Scrooge.

Crit: Okay, the Democratic judges are signaling that they will accept that answer. Next we have Bonnie Carey, who has an earache today. Bonnie, your word is “irresponsible.” We can use it in a sentence like this: “It is irresponsible to neglect those who depend on us to provide their every need.”

Bonnie: Ow! Okay...oh, ouch. Irresponsible, A-R-R-O-G-A-N-T C-O-N-S-E-R-V-A-T-I-V-E-S. Irresponsible. Ohhhh....

Crit: Very good, Bonnie. The Democratic judges liked that one! Finally, we have a new contestant in our country, Pablo Last-Name-Withheld-Until-I-Get-My-Green-Card. Pablo has a sprained ankle that he suffered while trying to outrun the civilian militias as he and his family crossed the border. Pablo, your word is "pigheaded" as used in this English sentence: “Those stubborn, pigheaded politicians don’t care about anyone but themselves.”

Pablo: Pigheaded. G-O-P. Pigheaded.

Crit: Excellent, Pablo. The Democratic judges are so glad to see that you made it to our country. That’s all for this week, folks. Tune in next week at this same time for Sour Grapes with your host, Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas.



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