Short Notes – September 2007
LAWSUIT ALMIGHTY
A Nebraska state legislator is apparently as mad as hell about everything and isn’t going to take it anymore. Now he is suing God for unspecified damages. Prayers to God for a comment on the lawsuit have gone unanswered.
First of all, this is so bizarre that it just screams instant publicity, and if that is the sole reason for the suit, then it has accomplished its job. However, if this guy is actually suing the Holy Spirit for financial or spiritual gain, then I think we have a nutcase on our hands. Special note to anyone close to this man: do not make any sudden moves and walk away slowly. Call a psychiatric hospital immediately!
Secondly, how will the defense present its case if this absurdity does go to trial? Will they have to resort to character witnesses — like Pope Benedict XVI - in the event that God is not able to appear? I can just see the testimony from the Pope now:
Attorney: "Holy Father, have you ever met the defendant face-to-face?"
Pope: "Well, uh, no. But I know his work!"
Oh yeah, that would be very conclusive. The true reasons for this suit may eventually become public. In the meantime, only the prospective defendant knows why.
A FEW CONGRESSIONAL BILLS WE SHOULD SEE
I noted a few weeks ago that Congress had returned from its summer recess. As a citizen of this country, and as a public service, I will suggest that the following bills be acted upon and passed before the session ends:
The Lou Dobbs Immigrant English Education Act
This act would pay for the training and stationing of English teachers at all US borders for the purpose of teaching all immigrants the very basics of survival in our largely English speaking country. The goal of this legislation would allow all immigrants to say and know the difference between the phrases "Cheesesteak wit’" and "Cheesesteak wit’out". These immigrants may still take our jobs, sap our medical resources, and commit a variety of crimes, but as God is our witness they’ll never go hungry again.
The Congressional Democrats Backbone Acquisition Act
The title says it all; no further explanation is necessary.
The Leave No Republicans Behind Act
Passage of this law would automatically make all Republican members of Congress candidates for President next year. This will save a lot of time that the media waste in speculating about who is or who isn’t running. It will also mean the Republican National Convention will run for the entire summer next year as the party weeds out the hundreds of possibilities to find the one viable candidate.
The Ban O.J. From the Airwaves Act
This law would provide severe penalties if any news organization or entertainment program broadcasts any information whatsoever about the life or whereabouts of media pain-in-the-ass O.J. Simpson. Suggested penalty would be death. Any executions carried out as the result of this act would, of course, be made available as a pay-per-view special.
HAPPY LEGISLATING!
A Nebraska state legislator is apparently as mad as hell about everything and isn’t going to take it anymore. Now he is suing God for unspecified damages. Prayers to God for a comment on the lawsuit have gone unanswered.
First of all, this is so bizarre that it just screams instant publicity, and if that is the sole reason for the suit, then it has accomplished its job. However, if this guy is actually suing the Holy Spirit for financial or spiritual gain, then I think we have a nutcase on our hands. Special note to anyone close to this man: do not make any sudden moves and walk away slowly. Call a psychiatric hospital immediately!
Secondly, how will the defense present its case if this absurdity does go to trial? Will they have to resort to character witnesses — like Pope Benedict XVI - in the event that God is not able to appear? I can just see the testimony from the Pope now:
Attorney: "Holy Father, have you ever met the defendant face-to-face?"
Pope: "Well, uh, no. But I know his work!"
Oh yeah, that would be very conclusive. The true reasons for this suit may eventually become public. In the meantime, only the prospective defendant knows why.
A FEW CONGRESSIONAL BILLS WE SHOULD SEE
I noted a few weeks ago that Congress had returned from its summer recess. As a citizen of this country, and as a public service, I will suggest that the following bills be acted upon and passed before the session ends:
The Lou Dobbs Immigrant English Education Act
This act would pay for the training and stationing of English teachers at all US borders for the purpose of teaching all immigrants the very basics of survival in our largely English speaking country. The goal of this legislation would allow all immigrants to say and know the difference between the phrases "Cheesesteak wit’" and "Cheesesteak wit’out". These immigrants may still take our jobs, sap our medical resources, and commit a variety of crimes, but as God is our witness they’ll never go hungry again.
The Congressional Democrats Backbone Acquisition Act
The title says it all; no further explanation is necessary.
The Leave No Republicans Behind Act
Passage of this law would automatically make all Republican members of Congress candidates for President next year. This will save a lot of time that the media waste in speculating about who is or who isn’t running. It will also mean the Republican National Convention will run for the entire summer next year as the party weeds out the hundreds of possibilities to find the one viable candidate.
The Ban O.J. From the Airwaves Act
This law would provide severe penalties if any news organization or entertainment program broadcasts any information whatsoever about the life or whereabouts of media pain-in-the-ass O.J. Simpson. Suggested penalty would be death. Any executions carried out as the result of this act would, of course, be made available as a pay-per-view special.
HAPPY LEGISLATING!
posted by todd gunther | 2:58 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home