A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Saturday, October 13, 2007

New from Cindy's Boigers

If fast food burger restaurants were really honest with consumers about their products, then we might see news releases like this.

Cindy's Boigers proudly announces their newest line of tempting, tasty boigers to tantalize your taste buds. More importantly, they uphold the long-standing tradition at Cindy's of giving America what they want: great tasting meals at the expense of their ever-expanding waistlines. We now offer these sandwiches as monuments of American corpulence.


Our newest creation has more meat, more cheese and of course bacon, bacon, bacon... more bacon than our closest competitor! Your mouth will engulf The Cardiac Arrest with all of its glorious grease and cholesterol. The grease will go to your hips and the cholesterol will go right to the linings of your arteries. But if The Cardiac Arrest is too tame for your tastes, then try…


We cannot list the ingredients of this great boiger here; it's still a secret. But we can tell you that these ingredients are so good that they laugh at lipitor, sneer at plavix, and make caduet quiver with fear. Yes, this boiger is so bad for your heart that it has to taste that good! Still not satisfied with our meat? Then try the ultimate monstrosity, the boiger that we have worked all these years to develop. It is finally here! It is…(drumroll please)


Even more meat than The Cardiac Arrest with a secret ingredient: pan drippings slathered on your bun. Yes, it's a gastronomic delight and a disaster for your arteries! One bite is heart stopping! You'll never know what hit you! What a way to go, chomping down on this testament to sudden death! This boiger and a huge heaping helping of our batter-dipped French fries will certainly be a last meal you'll long remember.

Cindy's Boigers is a subsidiary of Whole Trans-Fat International. Beatrice wants everyone to know that Whole Trans-Fat International is not Beatrice.

(Note to readers: there will be no blog entries next week. Anne Marie will be taking a vacation with her knitting by Lake Otsego. Meanwhile, I will be on a fact-finding mission to seek out any and all Chinese buffets in the lower central New York State region.)


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