A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Monday, June 09, 2008

Raising McCain

A story is circulating around the Internet about how presumptive presidential nominee John McCain went ballistic on his wife while they were attending a public event. Allegedly, as witnesses recount it, she playfully suggested that his hair was getting thin on top. He is reported to have replied, “At least I don’t plaster on the makeup like a (rhymes with polyp), you (rhymes with bunt)!"

And this man wants to be President of the United States, where he’ll have access to the shiny, red button in the Oval Office? Sure, let’s just fast track this psycho to 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue and each of one can kiss our collective asses good-bye! He presses the button and all of our problems evaporate in a millisecond of eardrum-shattering noise and blinding, incinerating white heat. Ah, I can just hear Vera Lynn singing “We’ll Meet Again” now. Queue it up, everyone sing...

But I digress...

I apologize for veering away from our main topic which is “Loved Ones Saying Nasty Things to Each Other in Public.” First, we must recognize that each of us establishes certain communication patterns in all of our relationships, whether they are friendships, marriages, or relationships within a family or workplace. We all set up rules as to what type of language and communication habits will be allowed in these relationships. These rules are unwritten, but are understood by each person participating in the relationship. (My! I must be channeling Dr. Joyce Brothers, but I digress...)

For example, the communication patterns in a boyfriend/girlfriend situation may be marked by soft, loving words of courtship with occasional moments of physical contact, which is otherwise known as “getting some”. As the relationship matures into a marriage, the speaking tones may become harsher and the language may become stronger. Some people in these relationships even resort to using weapons, such as knives and guns, to more effectively communicate their wants and needs to the other member(s) of the relationship. Ah, but once again I digress...

It appears that the McCain's relationship has developed beyond the soft, soothing language stage, but has not yet graduated into open warfare. At this point, they seem to be in the great no mans land between, what the experts officially describe as “lovey-dovey” and “mortal combat.” We could be over-simplifying their current situation in the harshest light allowable. We could give them the benefit of the doubt and allow that the insults were nothing more than their pet names for each other.

As an example, John could call Cindy a (rhymes with stitch) in a loving and reverential manner. As long as Cindy doesn’t object, what right do we have to quibble? In all fairness to her, Cindy may call John that old (rhymes with, um...rhymes with...bastard). I have a feeling that Cindy may use the word old a lot. In any case, as long as John doesn’t order a napalm strike on her ass, then why should we protest?

In any event, the McCains, as a couple, have set up these communication patterns as an acceptable part of their lives together. This could become advantageous for the entire country, IF he wins in November. After all, they may become so busy calling each other nasty names in the White House that John will never find the time to play with the shiny, red button.


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