If Anybody Asks, Tell Them You Didn’t See Us

Presumptive Republican Presidential nominee Senator John McCain carried out a heroic act earlier this week: he actually allowed himself to be photographed talking and hugging the President of the United States. The President’s disapproval ratings in the polls keep hitting record numbers – just like America’s gasoline prices. Most political analysts feel that McCain meeting with Bush is tantamount to political suicide. So what did they say to each other? We’ll probably never know, but we can use our trusty old tool, historical theory, to start the speculation and innuendo here.

Bush: “John, you haven’t called lately. Is everything all right?”

McCain: “Oh, sure, George. Everything’s fine, but...are those television cameras over there pointing at us? Damn! Here, Mr. President, put this blanket over your head. That way no one will recognize you.”

Bush: “Oh, okay. We’ve been concerned that maybe you didn’t want to be seen with me anymore since my poll numbers are so bad...um, why am I wearing this blanket over my head?”

McCain: “Security reasons, sir. Your Secret Service detail thought it might be a good idea for you to wear this while we met briefly. Cindy’s here!”

Cindy: “Hi, George!”

Bush: “Cindy! Good to...um, see you. I can’t see a thing with this over my head. I feel like one of those criminals on the six o’clock news. You know how they come out of a courthouse and hide their faces from the cameras, like they're ashamed of something they did.”

McCain: “Oh, no, Mr. President, not you.”

Cindy: “George, I know you’re poll numbers are in the toilet. Do you need any help? Can we loan you any money? (Shouting) BECAUSE I HAVE LOTS OF MONEY TO SPARE! DID YOU HEAR THAT, YOU PEOPLE FROM THE MEDIA OVER THERE? AS IF IT’S ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS...”

McCain: “Calm down, Cindy. Let’s just help George over to his car.”

Bush: “Thanks for the offer, guys. And thanks for meeting me here. I know you took an awful risk coming out to see me off like this. Say, John, about this war in Iraq...um, John? Where are you?"

Secret Service Agent: “They’re gone, Mr. President.”

Bush: “Oh? Where?”

Secret Service Agent: “Um, away. They’ve gone far away...and very quickly. Here’s your car, sir.”

Bush: “Thank you. Hey, can I take this blanket off now?”

Secret Service Agent: “Not yet, sir. Not until you’re in the car, and I’m safely out of sight.”

Bush: “What?”

Secret Service Agent: “I mean, you’re safely out of sight.” (Opens car door.) “Please get in, sir.”

Bush: “Thank you.” (The car door closes and the President takes off the blanket.) “There, that’s better. It was getting hot under there...you! You’re Osama bin Laden!”

Bin Laden: “Yes, now be quiet. I’m hiding. Keep your voice down! I can’t afford to be seen with you.”

Bush: “Why? Because you’re wanted for mass murder in the free world?”

Bin Laden: “No, because your poll numbers really suck!”