A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, July 01, 2008

A Thank You Note

Anne Marie and I received our economic stimulus check a few weeks ago and we immediately deposited it in the savings account. This is the tax rebate authorized by the Bush administration to jump start the economy. The theory was that Americans would spend their check on big ticket items and the American economy would recover from its seemingly interminable slump.

I would love nothing better than to spoil the administration's plans and just let the money sit in my savings account for awhile. Alas, things have happened this year that will force me to spend the money sooner than I would like. To be precise, things have broken down and needed to be replaced. Our refrigerator was one item and the tires on my car were another. Our computer slowed down in its old age, and when a visiting tech person pronounced it obsolete, it gave up the ghost altogether. Then again, I could use my portion towards our vacation expenses this year.

Anne Marie, on the other hand, has definite plans for her half of the payment. When I showed it to her, she smiled and laughed diabolically. She murmured something to the effect that “wine will be drunk and men will be used like Kleenex”. Only then did I realize that she will use her part for a massive blowout on a party for her knitting group.

However, I want to get away from thinking about ourselves and focus on those who we should thank for the windfall. No, no, not the President; all he did was whip out the charge card and borrow it against America’s future generations. It is this next generation, and more specifically my niece and nephews, who will get stuck with this bill.

So I offer my heartfelt gratitude to you who will work so hard in the future and pay higher taxes to return this money to the US Treasury. I would like to say that your sacrifice will be remembered by all of us, but I can’t say that because most likely all of us in today’s generation will be dead and gone by the time you pay this money back. At that point, we just won’t give a damn about your sacrifice.

I realize this was very selfish of us adults to accept this money, and we did resist taking it, truly we did. Okay, so we only held off taking it for a millisecond or so, but honestly we did think about returning the money so you wouldn’t have this burden on your shoulders. Okay, so I’m a terrible liar...

Let me offer you this consolation: there is a good chance you may not have to pay it back at all. Gasoline prices will be so high in the future that you won’t be able to afford a way to get to your job. No job, no money to pay back to the government. Then of course there is the ecological argument, namely that my generation will leave the world so environmentally screwed up that you won’t be able to breathe, let alone hold onto a job.

All this is just one more example of the carpe diem mindset of the Bush administration. Of course, you know that carpe diem translates very freely from the Latin as “daily carp.” No, no actually it means seize the day, or live for the moment and to hell with the future! Boy, have we given you young people a hell of a future! Thank you again Class of 2015 and all future classes that will repay our debts.


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