A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Monday, September 15, 2008

The Unknown Palin

I can’t begin to say how excited I am at John McCain’s choice for VP! I can’t believe he chose Palin! This is wonderful! Naturally, the pundits on both sides have been arguing back and forth on why he chose Palin. My theory is McCain chose Palin because he couldn’t pick Cleese.

Let’s face it: John Cleese is too tall to run along side of McCain. It would just be bad form to have your vice president towering over you when you stand side-by-side at the podium as you accept your party’s nomination for president. McCain has avoided this faux pas by selecting Michael Palin as his running mate.

Michael would make a wonderful vice president. I can just see him now presiding over the Senate in his role as President Pro Tem. When a debate gets too tedious, he could attach a small moustache to his upper lip, throw a white handkerchief with knotted corners over his head, roll his trousers up past his knees, then with clenched fists and arms stiffened against his body he would shriek out, “Oh! All this talk about buffer zones with offshore drilling makes my brain hurt!” The ratings for C-Span would skyrocket!

Oh, wait...I just realized that McCain chose Sarah Palin to be his running mate, not Michael Palin. Who? What the hell is Grandpa thinking?

Who is this unknown Palin? The media have obliged the American public with all sorts of facts, figures, gossip, rumor, and other informational tidbits to answer this question. With this information and Palin's personal appearances on the campaign trail, the average American is slowly learning more about the person who may become the first female vice-president in history.

The information we are getting ranges from the irrelevant (her personal family life) to her political views. I won’t recount the personal family scandals here, but suffice it to say that when it comes to family values, Sarah Palin is more effective with the “do as I say, and not as I do” approach. As for her political style, I will admit this: the lady has balls!

She had the gall to play the experience card against Barack Obama when she likened her tenure of tiny Wasilla, AK to his days as a community organizer. She admitted they were basically the same, except her job had some “responsibility”. This wasn’t a fair comparison. After all, how many times did Obama have to contend with a double parked moose on the south side of Chicago? Yes, this is truly information that the average American voter needs to know!

The conservatives are in love with Sarah Palin. They believe that at last they have a leader with conservative values (pro-gun, pro-small government, pro-life) who is also a feminist. Now hold on a moment: just because a leader happens to be a woman does not make her a feminist! It makes her a “queen bee” or a female who has risen to great power and responsibility in the long-cherished good ole boy world. As such, the queen bee would most likely deride the feminist efforts to equalize woman’s place in society. The queen bee reasons this way: if I could make it this far in the professional world, then the rest of you don’t need special protections to gain equality either.

If anything, Sarah Palin is an anti-feminist given her stand on abortion. As for my opinion, she is the direct opposite of everything I believe in, politically speaking. As a person, there’s no denying that – and this from a heterosexual male point of view – Sarah Palin has a damn fine pair of legs. In this regard, she definitely has Michael Palin beat, regardless if his trousers are rolled up or not.


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