The Adventures of Super Governor
(DRAMATIC JOHN WILLIAMS MUSIC UP)
ANNOUNCER: "Last time on The Adventures of Super Governor, Sarah Palin, seven-and-a-half months pregnant, is making a speech thousands of miles away from home when her water breaks! Quickly, she finishes her speech and, with her super human will power, flies home to Anchorage (via Seattle). Super Governor bypasses a major medical center and returns to the Governor’s Mansion, where she resumes her labor and delivers a baby boy to her loving family values family. Today’s episode begins the next day..."
RIG FOREMAN: “Welcome to the ANWR, governor! Ready to start drilling?”
SUPER GOVERNOR: "Yes, just let me get my overalls on...”
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
SUPER GOVERNOR: “Hold on! I have to take this! Hello? What? A herd of moose attacking the north slope? Hmm...could be members of the Sierra Club in disguise. No matter, we’ll be right there. All right, men, listen up! Grab your guns! We’re going to have moose stew tonight for supper!”
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
SUPER GOVERNOR: “Hold on, men! Hello? What? A group of liberals are pouring concrete for a pier at the Bridge to Nowhere? But I cancelled funding for that pork barrel project! Those fiends! Hold on...I have another call coming in.”
“Hello? What’s that? Planned Parenthood is handing out birth control pamphlets at a schoolyard? They’re mocking my abstinence-only sex education program! Okay, I’ll call out the National Guard...hold on, I’ve got another call.”
“Hello? Oh, hi, Bristol! What’s wrong? Members of the media are surrounding the mansion? They want to ask you who the father is? How the hell did they find out about that? Okay, lock the doors and close the blinds on all the windows. I’ll send a few squads of troopers to clear them out. Oh, honey...I have another call, hold on.”
“Yes? Oh, Senator McCain! What a surprise! What can I do for you? What...you...you want me to do what? Well, I don’t know what to say...oh, hold on. I have another call...hello?”
“Yes, I’ve heard of your magazine. You want to do a pictorial article on state executives across the country? What’s this got to with me? What? You want me to do what, Mr. Hefner?!!!”
ANNOUNCER: "Will Super Governor be able to fight off the moose? Can she stop the liberal onslaught on her state? And what in God’s name possesses someone to name their offspring Track and Trig? For answers to these and other questions, keep reading for the next episode of...THE ADVENTURES OF SUPER GOVERNOR!!!
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
ANNOUNCER: "Last time on The Adventures of Super Governor, Sarah Palin, seven-and-a-half months pregnant, is making a speech thousands of miles away from home when her water breaks! Quickly, she finishes her speech and, with her super human will power, flies home to Anchorage (via Seattle). Super Governor bypasses a major medical center and returns to the Governor’s Mansion, where she resumes her labor and delivers a baby boy to her loving family values family. Today’s episode begins the next day..."
RIG FOREMAN: “Welcome to the ANWR, governor! Ready to start drilling?”
SUPER GOVERNOR: "Yes, just let me get my overalls on...”
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
SUPER GOVERNOR: “Hold on! I have to take this! Hello? What? A herd of moose attacking the north slope? Hmm...could be members of the Sierra Club in disguise. No matter, we’ll be right there. All right, men, listen up! Grab your guns! We’re going to have moose stew tonight for supper!”
(CELL PHONE RINGS)
SUPER GOVERNOR: “Hold on, men! Hello? What? A group of liberals are pouring concrete for a pier at the Bridge to Nowhere? But I cancelled funding for that pork barrel project! Those fiends! Hold on...I have another call coming in.”
“Hello? What’s that? Planned Parenthood is handing out birth control pamphlets at a schoolyard? They’re mocking my abstinence-only sex education program! Okay, I’ll call out the National Guard...hold on, I’ve got another call.”
“Hello? Oh, hi, Bristol! What’s wrong? Members of the media are surrounding the mansion? They want to ask you who the father is? How the hell did they find out about that? Okay, lock the doors and close the blinds on all the windows. I’ll send a few squads of troopers to clear them out. Oh, honey...I have another call, hold on.”
“Yes? Oh, Senator McCain! What a surprise! What can I do for you? What...you...you want me to do what? Well, I don’t know what to say...oh, hold on. I have another call...hello?”
“Yes, I’ve heard of your magazine. You want to do a pictorial article on state executives across the country? What’s this got to with me? What? You want me to do what, Mr. Hefner?!!!”
ANNOUNCER: "Will Super Governor be able to fight off the moose? Can she stop the liberal onslaught on her state? And what in God’s name possesses someone to name their offspring Track and Trig? For answers to these and other questions, keep reading for the next episode of...THE ADVENTURES OF SUPER GOVERNOR!!!
(MUSIC UP AND OUT)
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