A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

My Photo
Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

The End (in 2012)

The world is coming to an end in the year 2012! Don’t take my word for it! This was Hollywood’s idea, and I’m sure the movie of the same name brought in millions of dollars with its scenes of utter global destruction. The crust of the earth buckling up and swallowing whole civilizations, record breaking tidal waves washing over the Himalayan mountain range, and all this on the heels of Sarah Palin elected to the White House!

No, no, I’m kidding! I doubt that a Palin administration will bring on the end of the world as we know it, mainly because I can’t conceive the GOP being so desperate to nominate her in the first place. I have nothing against her personally, but let’s face it; she can’t even name a single newspaper she has read.

Many people are crediting the Mayan calendar with the idea that the world will end in 2012. It is easy to do this because most of the people claiming to be Mayans are dead and, therefore, are not able to dispute this bizarre notion. This also prevents them from calling in to Rush Limbaugh to argue the if Limbaugh would seriously consider accepting a caller with an opposing point of view in the first place.

Poor Mayans! They had the most advanced civilization in the known world at the time and one Spanish invasion later, whoosh...they’re gone! Just like that! Now we remember them because they predicted when the world would end. We — those of us living in modern civilized societies — base this on the fact that their calendar only went so far and just ends!

Just because the calendar only goes so far doesn’t mean it’s all over. All calendars end, mostly at the end of twelve months. When this happens, we simply turn the page over and find either a Miss January Playboy lingerie model, a view of Philadelphia’s City Hall circa 1908, a reproduction of Norman Rockwell’s Rosie the Riveter, or two kittens peering out wide-eyed from inside a copper watering pitcher staring back at us. Well, that could be what you’d find on the calendars in my house, but that doesn’t matter. My point is, life goes on even when the calendar expires. When this happens, you simply buy a new calendar - even though Hollywood would have us believe you should run for the hills that are buckling up and swallowing everything in its path.

Theories abound as to why the Mayan calendar ended when it did. Aside from the aforementioned significance of global oblivion, we should explore other ideas. My personal theory is that the calendar was being worked on a by an entry-level high priest (or perhaps an intern) in the Mayan temple, when something happened. Either his work was interrupted by famine, drought, earthquake, plague, or some other natural disaster. Or maybe this was the moment when the Spanish invaded and wiped out everything. Or, if the work was an unpaid position, than the junior priest/intern would have been forced to keep his day job.

Yeah, that’s it! Our Mayan calendar writer had to leave his task in the temple because he had to work a double shift at the local 7-11! Then, during this shift, his civilization was destroyed by famine/plague/Spanish invasion, and he simply did not get back to complete his job.

Mind you, this is all theory, and subject to all of the spirited debate and innuendo that talk radio and/or Hollywood epics will allow. 2012, the movie, looks very entertaining, but ultimately ridiculous, since it would preclude the making of a special effect laden, money-making blockbuster sequel. 2012, the year, will most likely be just as exciting as the movie, even if it is a major election year.

(Thank you for reading! Please remember to remove any kittens from your water pitcher before use as a watering device.)


Post a Comment

<< Home