A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Meanwhile, Back at the Universal Eucharist Boys Club (aka the Vatican)

Recently, the Vatican felt compelled to revise its internal laws making it easier to punish pedophile priests. This is a good thing, since the sexual abuse of children is a very serious offense against humanity. It is an evil which has cast a great shadow over the Roman Catholic Church.

However, the Pope went a bit farther and equated the ordination of women priests an offense as serious as pedophilia. This second denunciation was announced unsolicited as far as I know. At least I don’t think there was a reporter at the back of the room who raised his hand and shouted out, “Yo, Eminence! But what about female priests?”

WTF? These women's crimes against humanity are what exactly? I don’t get the connection.

In my area, the announcement was met with criticisms and support. The criticism came from a female priest — now excommunicated from the Church — who chalked it up to old-fashioned misogyny. Support was voiced in the media by the communications director (coincidentally a woman) of the Philadelphia Archdiocese, who claimed that this particular policy dates back to Jesus’ teaching that priesthood is reserved for men. The ordained female noted in her criticism that there is no evidence of this in the Scripture.

Of course, when in doubt, blame Jesus! I feel sorry for Christ right now! Not only did he die for our sins, and his name is invoked regularly as an oath, but now we’re using him to justify our own prejudices! The Archdiocese spokeswoman may truly believe what she said, but her argument could be stronger if she had cited Bible chapter and verse for those of us who are not as Holy Scripture-literate as we should be.

Perhaps it’s time progressive thinking people went to Rome and demanded an audience with His Holiness. I can see it now: a vast throng of people from many nations circling the Vatican, and a woman wearing the Roman collar shouting into a bullhorn, “Pope Benedict, we have you surrounded! Come out of the 9th Century with your staff over your head...”

Once inside, we could tell him that he is passing up a golden opportunity to give women a bigger role in the Roman Catholic faith: “Listen, your Eminence, we have released women from the shackles of domesticity. We allow them to work outside the home, in offices, in factories, in...well, lots of places! We’ve found that they are not that bad in the workforce. Also, and we hope you’re sitting down when you hear this, we’ve also given them the right to vote. Shocking, but true! We’re only telling you all this because we get the impression that when it comes to women’s issues that you’ve led a rather sheltered life..." and so on.

I realize that the Church does utilize the services of women in a lesser capacity, but some women are more ambitious than that. They want to do more than teach the children of the faithful and occasionally whack the children of the faithful on the knuckles with steel rulers. They want to serve God as fully ordained representatives of the Church. What is wrong with that?

What are you really afraid of? Do you fear that letting in some girls will spoil the atmosphere of the oldest boys club in the world? Fathers, there is nothing to fear. Just straighten up the place a bit, you know, dust the tables, vacuum the floors, pick up any soiled vestments you left lying on the floor, discard any leftover NAMBLA literature, and you won’t be embarrassed when they move in. Of course, you can lay down some ground rules, like no one touches your comic book collection. This is sacred, regardless if you’re an adolescent boy or a 31 year old adolescent living in your parent’s basement or a grown up priest.

It may seem like I am preaching tolerance even as I appear to be intolerant of Roman Catholicism. Nothing could be farther from the truth. I am not condemning one of the world’s largest religions as a whole, but I am pointing out that one of its policies undermines their good work and is in sore need of updating.

Upon reading this entry, people in high places who believe they have the most special relationship with God - more special than everyone else on Earth - will damn me to eternal hell. So be it! At least I’ll be in good company with the female priests.

(Thank you for reading. Please remember do not take no for an answer when the question is about tolerance.)


Anonymous Janey said...


And the NAMBLA comment was too funny.... :-)

August 6, 2010 at 10:24 AM  

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