A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

My Photo
Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Post Season Playoff Fatigue

Dear Playboy,

I’m a middle-aged man with a full head of hair living in southeastern Pennsylvania. I don’t have any problems involving erections or orgasms, but I just wanted to drop you a short note thanking you for your exuberant confidence you displayed for my hometown baseball team, the Philadelphia Phillies. Please remember that you chose my team to play in the World Series and win the championship once again.

As I’m sure you’re aware of by, things happened.

All of us knew that the series with the San Francisco Giants was going to be a tough one. I expected it to go seven games, naturally hoping that my Fightin’s would take the series in four wins. Alas, this didn’t happen.

Everyone has offered reasons for my team's collapse. The offense picked the worst possible time to go into a hitting slump. We could get men on base, but we couldn’t get them home. Our fielding was off too; it seemed that our fielders suddenly forgot how to close their glove around a caught ball during one inning of game six. These two factors gave the Giants enough of a lead to take the game and series.

There is probably a lot of grumbling about one of our highest paid hitters today, Ryan Howard. He was the last Phillie to step to the plate in the ninth inning with two men on base. Fans have been bewildered as to why he didn’t attempt to swing at the pitch that was called a third strike against him. My guess is he knew that pitch was a ball (a feeling borne out by a post game videotape analysis of the play) and fully expected to be called as such. The umpire called a strike — thereby fueling even more suspicion from fans, sportswriters, and play-by-play announcers that several of today’s umpires are grossly incompetent.

Okay, so maybe this sounds like sour grapes. The ending was heartbreaking, but I have no complaints about the rest of the season. It was a great ride, and as has been noted, this was the fourth year in a row that the Phillies made it to the post season.

The Phillies have achieved the cycle during these last four years. Year one, they were eliminated in the first round by the Colorado Rockies. Year two, they went all the way, winning the World Series over the Tampa Bay Rays. Last year, they returned to the October Classic, only to lose to the New York Yankees. This year, they were eliminated in the second round of playoffs.

Yes, my team has been there and done it all! We should have no regrets! Ha ha ha ha (ad nauseum into diabolical laughter).

While it was nice to see the Phillies in the post season again, the nagging feeling emerged that, well, maybe this was all old hat. Many fans will decry this as blasphemy, but truth be told, there was an unusual high level of anxiety with this post season. For example, the father of one of my neighbors was hospitalized with a suspected heart attack just after he settled in to watch the final game.

So, was the anxiety worth it? Atlanta Braves fans adopted the “been there done that” post-season ennui years ago. Surely, fans of the New York Yankees - who have won over a quarter of every World Series ever played - could also relate to this odd feeling of déjà vu. The Phillies winning in 2008 was a wonderful feeling, but if it happens year after year, then this once-in-a-lifetime feat loses its unique magic.

Thank you again, Playboy for believing in our team, since many of us were skeptical. Now it’s time for my team to clean out their lockers and rest and plan for next year. Likewise, we fans will put our team colors away and try to keep ourselves warm in the afterglow of a post season cut short. Time also for you to go back to what you do best — publish photos of beautiful women, wonderful short stories, advice columns for the modern man (and woman), and provocative articles.

In other words, Playboy, don’t give up your day job! Your future in sports prognostication is bleak!



(Thank you for reading! Thanks also to Charlie Manuel and the team for a great season! Til next year...ha ha ha ha (ad nauseum into diabolical laughter)!


Anonymous Easily Amused said...

Ease up on that diabolical laughter a little, lest they dress you in one of those big white shirts with buckles in the back---

October 28, 2010 at 10:35 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home