arteejee

A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

My Photo
Name:
Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Friday, October 01, 2010

Snort Notes – October 2010

GEORGE LUCAS ANNOUNCES RE-RE-RELEASE OF THE STAR WARS SERIES IN 3-D

One trend moviegoers have been unable to avoid during the last 10 years or so is Hollywood’s taking old ideas and dusting them off. Sequels abound and big screen versions of old television shows have become a lucrative cottage industry in of itself. Then there’s the special case of George Lucas, who quit making sequels decades ago, but he is now tweaking his original successes with every new film technology that comes along.

George, didn’t we give you enough of our hard-earned cash in the 70s? What will the original Star Wars be called now? Star Wars, Chapter 4.0, A New Beginning? Will I leave the theater convinced that I have strands of Chewbacca or Ewok hair all over me (I’m sure they must shed)?

Will I be led to believe that I can reach out and touch Jabba the Hut? (Ewwwww!) Will I believe that a scantily clad Carrie Fisher in “Return of the Jedi” (Chapter 6.0) is not a two dimensional image on the screen, but rather a full-bodied woman sitting...next...to me? Hmmm, that might be worth the price of admission right there!
Go, George, go!

SNOOKI POLIZZI ANNOUNCES SHE WILL PEN A NOVEL

Honestly, I can think of worse things that can happen to American literature, but at the moment I can’t think of any of them. Fortunately, there is an antidote to anticipating any written tome from Nicole “The Bounce” Polizzi (I’m suddenly tired of calling her Snooki). Another up and coming writer known for his satirical acid wit will be releasing a book later this month. Ladies and gentleman, please welcome (drum roll please) the one, the only, Mark Twain!

Um, okay, so he’s not exactly up and coming. Yes, I know, he has in fact been dead for 100 years. However, his autobiography will be published for the first time on October 28. He dictated the book in the last years of his life, but stipulated that it could not be printed until 100 years after his death.

Imagine reading Twain’s comments on politics, organized religion, and life in general for the first time! What can “The Bounce” write about? Getting drunk and falling down? No doubt Twain could write on those subjects as well. It’s too bad he isn’t around to see the likes of “The Bounce” and “The Situation” cavorting across our cultural radar. I’d love to see what he would think of them.

GEORGE LUCAS ANNOUNCES RELEASE OF STEREO ENHANCED, CINEMASCOPE VERSION OF “MANOS, THE HANDS OF FATE”

Nawww, just kidding.

(Thank you for reading! Please watch for “Star Wars – Chapter 1.9: The Phantom Menace” in hologram to be released in 2022!)

1 Comments:

Anonymous Easily Amused said...

Bet Snooki gets more money for her book than Twain. So what will Twain do with his royalties, build a bigger tombstone?

October 3, 2010 at 4:55 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home