A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

The Tucker Carlson Inquisition

The Philadelphia Eagles have been making headlines lately for a variety of reasons. One reason is their stumbling into the playoffs when the New York Giants lost a few weeks ago. Oh, it’s nice to in the playoffs, but it would have been nicer if we had gained this opportunity by actually winning a crucial game instead of depending on the misfortunes of another team.

Then there was another announcement made by Eagles management that made everyone take notice. Team owner Jeffrey Lurie announced that the Eagles home, Lincoln Financial Field, would be outfitted with wind turbines so that the stadium could produce its own energy. Any electrical power left over could be sold to the local utility for use elsewhere. This production would bring the stadium in line with team colors (i.e., green)!

The announcement caught the attention of President Obama, who interrupted his family vacation in Hawaii (the state where he was born, and incidentally a legal entity of the United States of America on the day he was born) to call Lurie and congratulate the team on this energy innovation. Then the President commended Lurie for signing Michael Vick, thereby giving him a second chance after his felony conviction for killing dogs. Once news of this conversation was leaked (Wikileaks leader Julian Assange was, surprisingly, not involved), all hell broke loose.

Of course as the old saying goes, “Hell hath no fury like Fox News”. It was here that one of their commentators, Tucker Carlson, condemned the President’s remarks and took the opportunity to pass judgment on Michael Vick. Carlson prefaced his comments by saying that he is a Christian who has made mistakes, but then went on to make statements as if he were perfect and above all reproach. He complained that Vick should have been executed for his crimes.

Whoa! Capital punishment for killing man’s best friend? Whatever would he recommend for jaywalking? Life in prison without parole? Note to self: never nominate, elect, appoint, or elevate Tucker Carlson to the position of God Almighty. Clearly, the man would take the job too seriously.

Other Fox commentators wondered aloud why the President would weigh in on the Michael Vick controversy. There are two reasons that Obama felt comfortable talking about Vick. One, as a Christian, he knows that Christianity not only allows for redemption and salvation — once the sinner has acknowledged that he/she has sinned — but it also allows for those who felt sinned against to forgive the sinner. Michael Vick did time and expressed remorse for his crimes; he fulfilled the first part of Christian atonement. Carlson and many animal rights activists have been unwilling to exercise the Christian act of forgiveness.

Damn this Christian ethos! It ruins all of our fun!

The second reason why the President spoke up about Michael Vick can be found in the Constitution. Now, let’s see, I know it’s in there somewhere...Preamble, Article One, Article Two...oh, yes, here it is...the First Amendment! Gee, it’s real close to the top of the document! However could you good, conscientious reporters at Fox News miss the part about freedom of speech?

No one will doubt that Michael Vick’s actions were despicable and reprehensible, and many will quibble that the law does not allow for a longer sentence for his offense. This aspect of justice may not seem fair, but for now that is the law as it is written and currently interpreted. Society at large has to accept it no matter what the Tucker Carlson inquisition decrees.

Let’s put it another way. Let’s see a show of hands of everyone who believes Michael Vick’s actions were repulsive and worthy of whatever punishment the law of the land meted out. Now let’s see a show of hands of everyone who believes that — God forbid if they themselves were found to have committed the same crimes — they deserve to have another chance to prove themselves worthy of living in a free society? Funny...I didn’t see anyone’s hands go down.

(Thank you for reading. Okay, it may not be the sport I follow faithfully, but what the hell: Go Iggles!)


Anonymous Janey said...

Let's settle this once and for all: put Tucker Carlson and Michael Vick in the steel cage for a death match...

January 4, 2011 at 6:00 PM  

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