A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

My Photo
Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Irresponsible Governors, Part 2

Last time, as you may recall, (come on, it was only three days ago) we noted a recent event which highlighted New Jersey Governor Chris Christie's arrogance. This time, we will concentrate on the antics of another governor who makes Christie look like a slacker in the area of gubernatorial pompousness.

The second governor being fairly maligned in the mainstream media is Pennsylvania’s own Tom Corbett. To be fair, he was very busy last week. Earlier in the week, he signed a voter identification bill into law, which will require state voters to display photo identifications when they present themselves at polling places to exercise their constitutional rights as citizens of this great democracy.

Proponents say it will eradicate voter fraud, even though these same proponents couldn’t think of one example of polling abuse as the bill made its way through the state legislature. Opponents saw it as a Republican attempt to discourage those who don’t have government issued photo identification — that coincidentally are too poor, too old, and too leaning towards voting for Democrats — to have the wherewithal to get the required credentials for the voting booth. Of course, the opponents are forgetting that perhaps a few Republican voters might also caught photo-less at the polls, but no one is betting the house on that possibility.

The most irksome part about this new law is its price tag: $11 million to implement! Pennsylvania doesn’t have the money to repair all of its bridges and roads. It’s cutting higher education budgets like there’s no tomorrow. Yet they found the money to throw at a problem that no one can prove actually exists. Go figure!

However, that’s not the reason that Governor Corbett is in our doghouse now.

Actually, he’s in Dutch with us because he weighed in on another topic that no male should ever weigh in on: female reproductive rights.

Another Republican sponsored law — and I remind you that this is the party that constantly harps on the evils of big government overreaching into everyone’s private life — wants to require women contemplating abortions undergo a diagnostic procedure that will allow their providers to show them the fetus they are about to abort. The law would require doctors to show photos produced from the ultrasound to the woman at least twice before she is finally allowed to have the operation that — by all rights - she should only have to justify to herself and no one else.

The governor commented on the bill’s proposal like it's no big deal. He believes that no one would force the woman to see the pictures from the ultrasound. All they have to do is “close their eyes” when the doctor shows them the fetal portrait. Close their eyes? Really? Close thEIR EYES? Can you read the rage riSING IN MY WRITING!!! And I’m a guy! Just imagine how the governor’s remarks are pissing off the womenfolk!

Okay, I’ll try the governor’s trick and I’ll close my eyes. I’ll also make a wish and count to three while my eyes are closed! One, thewo, thessree! Okay, obviously closing my eyes while I’m blog writing doesn’t work. Also, my wish didn’t come true: Corbett is still governor!

Once again, the conservatives in society believe they have dealt a blow to the number of abortions performed in this country. Of course, they could accomplish the same thing by allowing women wider access to contraceptives, but, oh wait, they’re against that too! What they’ve actually done — we liberals fear — is contribute to the rising number of illegal abortions.

There is a very good chance that women seeking this procedure will not just turn around and return home to have the baby, rather than submit themselves to the added inconvenience of an ultrasound. They may seek out someone who is willing to do the same procedure, who doesn’t have that pesky ultrasound equipment, and who doesn’t adhere to state or federal health standards at their facilities. This in and of itself may damage the woman’s health, if it doesn’t end her life altogether.

Obviously the state legislators have already forgotten about the case of Kermit Gosnell, the West Philadelphia gynecologist and abortion provider who cut corners at his clinic, which led to the inevitable loss of life for one woman. I guess they closed their eyes to that problem too!

So, ladies, follow the governor’s advice, and by all means, close your eyes. Close your eyes to events in the world that violate your sense of nurturing. Close your eyes to war, starvation, and ignorance! Close your eyes to all of the injustices that swirl around you. As you have probably already surmised, males have been shutting their eyes for years! As a result, we’re living on a craphole of a planet, but hey, nobody ever said life is perfect!

Take heart, women of Pennsylvania, that Governor Corbett has found a loophole in this bill. All you have to do is close your eyes. Of course, conservative lawmakers might rush to close this loophole by mandating that the doctors prop women’s eyes open with toothpicks while they show them the results of their ultrasound. But who would be stupid enough to consider that idea worthy of legislation?

Wait for it! One, theo m theee! D'oh!

(Thank you for reading! One thewo thewss! Damn! Corbett’s still governor!)


Post a Comment

<< Home