A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Monday, March 05, 2012

Rusharrhea, or See Suzie Jump

As a white male, I realize that as a group “white males” have had it very good. We’ve been on top of the heap in many societies as leaders in politics and religion. This has been the case for centuries. Unfortunately, our good fortune has oftentimes come at the expense of people who hail from other cultures.

In the last 50 years or so, many white males have recognized this inequality and have made efforts to rectify the societal injustices for everyone. We’ve made some progress in spreading the gospel of tolerance, it’s true, but it’s also true that we have a long way to go. Yet, just when we believe we have made significant strides in making everyone’s life better, something happens that forces us to realize that there are still some white males among us who, through no fault of their own, possess the same values and attitudes as our Neanderthal ancestors.

It happened again this past week: Rush Limbaugh opened his piehole and embarrassed the hell out of white males everywhere.

On his radio show recently, Limbaugh ranted for three days about a female Georgetown University law student, Sandra Fluke, who testified in front of a group of Congressional Democrats about the importance of contraceptives covered in employer health insurance policies. She would have talked to Republicans too, but they didn’t show any interest in talking to a girl about birth control; only men were allowed to testify at their hearing on the subject. Yes, apparently men know more about birth control than that side of the human species that has more of a burden to use the actual product. How quaint, how old-fashioned, how 1950’s!

Rush criticized the absurdity of politicians spending time debating if religious organizations should cover contraceptives as per the Obama mandate when such an action would violate their spiritual beliefs. Shockingly, I find myself agreeing with Rush on this point; with the economy improving, but still in need of some good government guidance, it’s absurd that they are wasting time on this subject. The trouble is, Rush didn’t go after the politicians; he attacked the messenger.

Limbaugh called Fluke a “slut”, a “prostitute” (or hooker; the left wing media can’t make up its mind on the exact wording) and demanded that she post her sexual adventures on the web so he can watch since he, as a taxpayer, is paying for her birth control so she can have these encounters. Long story short, there was condemnation from both sides of the aisle in Congress, outrage in the media and the blogosphere, a Presidential call to Fluke encouraging her that speaking out was the right thing to do, and loss (at last count) of eight sponsors to Limbaugh’s radio show. Rush even apologized for the personal attacks; this was an earth-shattering event in and of itself.

So now, the controversy can die down and everyone can go back to living their lives, right? Wrong! Sadly, the white male ignorance is still with us and needs to be addressed.

Okay, people, class is in session! Rush, please take a seat down front. Ricky, yes, I mean you, Mr. Santorum, please come up front too. You need to hear this.

Now, it’s understood that you’ve come to this special lecture of Health Insurance Coverage of Contraceptives 101, after attending Rachel Maddow’s sex education lecture as a pre-requisite. For our purposes today, you should remember from her class that birth control is taken once a day, and the number of doses needed is not dependent on the number of sex partners a woman has within a certain time period.

So, Rush, please write this down, college co-eds are not going broke because they have to buy a pill for every encounter. They are going broke because the medication costs so damn much.

Also remember...I hope you’re taking good notes here, Ricky...that some contraceptives are medically necessary in the treatment of certain conditions. Write these words down, Ricky: endometriosis, dysmenorrhea, and polycystic ovarian disease. These are actual conditions which have been treated successfully with contraceptive steroids. In these cases, the sufferer does not take them for a “license to do things in the sexual realm”, as you worded it so indelicately on the campaign trail, Ricky.

Oh, but don’t take my word for it, or the word of scientific studies gleaned from the work by a bunch of “snobs” with college degrees. (Sorry, Ricky, if it seems like I’m throwing everything you’ve said in your face. Cope and deal!) Instead, take my personal observation from 20 years in the health insurance industry.

Let’s compare a typical prescription transaction of a woman getting coverage for birth control, versus a man’s experience in getting coverage for a product which is not strictly for birth control, but could be argued does meet Mr. Santorum’s criteria for a license to have sex with abandon.

Contraceptives have long been excluded from coverage in the white male-dominated, good-ole-boy network world of health insurance. Many policies do not cover them, PERIOD! Any woman suffering from the diseases mentioned above would go to their physician, who prescribes the medication recognized as a birth control product. The woman would purchase the medication, submit the claim for reimbursement, and get denied payment. The woman always has the right to appeal and is instructed that the denial could be overturned with a letter of medical necessity. Here is where the woman ceases to be a human being and becomes more like a circus animal that has to jump through a variety of legal hoops to get the medication which will relieve her suffering and make her overall quality of life better.

Are you still with me, Rush? Okay, so the woman gets a letter of medical necessity, submits it to the health insurance carrier for review, now jump through the hoop, Suzie, attagirl, and after a lengthy review process the carrier decides to cover the medication. Then, a few months down the road, the woman gets a renewal prescription, gets denied again, jump Suzie jump, submits an updated letter of medical necessity, which is possibly denied again, jump Suzie jump, because this time the health insurance carrier may want to see the physician’s progress notes for Suzie’s condition. Then after those are submitted and reviewed, one more jump Suzie (good girl!), and her medication will be paid for again.

Now let’s compare Suzie’s experience with Clem who wants to fill his script for Viagra. All right, settle down, Rush and Ricky! I know it’s not strictly a contraceptive, and it is a medication which was originally developed to treat vascular ailments. However, it has been marketed to treat another ailment - erectile dysfunction — which I don’t perceive as life threatening or painful like Suzie’s condition. My point is Clem’s Viagra is not subject to carrier scrutiny and if memory serves me correctly, the various carriers fell over each other to make sure that they were the first to cover this product when it was first introduced on the market.

Anyway, Clem goes to the pharmacy with his Viagra script, has it filled, submits the claim for payment, the carrier pays for it, and Clem goes home to get jiggy with his wife/mistress/girlfriend/slut/prostitute. The end! Meanwhile, poor Suzie is still jumping through the hoops for a letter of medical necessity.

Anyone see a problem with these two scenarios?

Any questions, Rush? Ricky? What? You want to see Suzie jump through the hoops again? You two are incorrigible! Suzie, can you come up here and perform for the white male chauvinists again?

(Thank you for reading. Lord, please forgive us white males for the illogical things we do to humanity.)


Anonymous Janey said...

Dear Rush and Rick,

One of the many joys of gay sex is that no birth control is needed! No government sponsorship is needed! And gay sex never leads to the birth a welfare baby! Try gay sex! It's fun!

Love, Janey

March 6, 2012 at 3:16 AM  

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