A site of satirical musings, commentary and/or rhetorical criticism of the world at large.

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Location: Southeastern, Pennsylvania, United States

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Gold in Them Thar Envelopes!

Last weekend, we spent time with my mom and brother upstate, and a few minutes were spent writing checks for my mother. Her arthritis is so severe that she can barely sign her name, so she must depend on the kindness of others to fill in the amounts and to whom they go. There were a few bills, but most were for non-profits that Anne Marie and I did not know.
Some were legitimate: VFW, St. Jude’s Hospital, but…help the Guide Dogs? Feed Hungry Bears?
Anyway, we became convinced that more than a few of these may not be non-profits, but just plots to separate fools from their money.

And just like that (snaps fingers), a scheme was born! We got the idea to start our own non-profit. Oh, we haven’t decided on a cause…who’s got time for those nit-picky decisions when there’s money to be made!

We have narrowed the name of our non-profit venture to those below, but we can’t decide on a suitable one that factually describes our goal. Please let us know which of these you like or, if you’re real adventurous, suggest one of your own.

The nominees are:

Rip Off The Elderly Society

Too blatant?   Well, how about…

Line Our Pockets With Cash

The Gunthers Early Retirement Fund

Help Blog Muses

Send Us All Your Money, Fool!

Paypal Pals

Retired Marilyn Monroe Impersonators Relief Treasury

Middle-Aged Workers Who Are Too Tired to Work Anymore Ponzi Scheme

Living Off All The Money You Send Us And Labeling It Administrative Costs Organization

And, of course, the inevitable

The Gunthers Legal Defense Fund

(Thank you for reading. Warrior Queen will now take up the collection).


Blogger David Jeffreys said...

You don't need a name, just a PayPal donation button in your sidebar. See my blogs -- I've actually received a few donations, but not enough to really help out.

April 23, 2014 at 10:40 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

I like # 3 and the last one. If you play your cards right, you could get into the "1 %" club very quickly.
Good luck!
(I was two Bill Moyers interview and got really depressed).

April 23, 2014 at 11:01 PM  
Blogger Amanda said...

Sorry! I meant to write that I WATCHED two Bill Moyers interviews.

April 23, 2014 at 11:04 PM  
Anonymous Janey said...

How about the Janey's Stash O' Fun Fund? :-)

April 24, 2014 at 5:51 AM  
Blogger Ur-spo said...

I like "Pearls before swine'

April 24, 2014 at 11:56 PM  
Blogger slugmama said...

I say go with the Gunthers Early Retirement Fund(followed closely by the Gunthers Legal Defense Fund).

A co-worker of the Hubs once told him about 2 kids who came to their door collecting for the Donny & Susie College Fund. When asked, the kids said they were Donny & Susie and their parents had sent them out into the neighborhood to collect door-to-door.
Can you imagine?!?
Ok, nowadays, maybe you can.....lolz

April 26, 2014 at 5:09 PM  
Blogger todd gunther said...

Hi David! Thanks for the suggestion. I'll keep it in mind in case our money flow situation gets real tight.

Thanks for the comment, Nadege. Sorry to hear about your Bill Moyers experience. I hope my entry perked you up.

Thank you Janey for your suggestion. Surely your use of the word stash doesn't have a double meaning, or does it?

Ur-Spo, thanks for your comment! I really enjoyed it!

Hi Slugmama. Your story reminds me of the time we were traveling home on Route 80 in upstate PA. We stopped at a rest stop where we were approached by a young man who said that he and his companions had run out of gas on their way to Pittsburgh, and could we spare a five or ten dollars so they could purchase gas. He explained that surely his parents would reimburse us triple what we gave him so that he get to his destination.
There was one problem with his story: we were on Route 80 East; he needed to be on Route 80 West to get to Pittsburgh. I overheard one old gentlemen tell him, "Go to hell," before he and his friends approached us. I was very skeptical about his story, but I gave him a buck anyway because his "story" was entertaining.

No, i never did hear from his parents.

April 27, 2014 at 1:09 PM  

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